Saturday, March 26, 2011

Thinning the there a better way to say "It's not you, it's me?"

Credit: Apple

As I've stated in other posts, it's getting time to thin the herd. Or really the time is upon us. (I've gotten another text from C today - this after I didn't answer the 3rd one he sent yesterday.) This heifer is not liking some of the steers around her and is already looking to other pastures. Some of them can stay for now.

So in my past relationships (I'll admit, it's not a huge history to pull from), I was the breaker- upper. I grew bored or scared. Sometimes I used them (to not have to look for a date for the junior/senior prom 1 month before) and they eventually caught on. But I have to admit in the past I've used the actions technique of suddenly not answering phone calls/making plans/etc. and then a subsequent phone call initiated by them happens where I (after some hemming and hawing and nail biting) admit my true desires to not continue on in the relationship. Not exactly the most mature way of dealing with the situation.

So I want to wear my big girl panties this time and actually attempt to gracefully extricate myself from some of these encounters. But what is the best way to do it? Do you call? Is email ok? Do you have to do it in person? Are there different rules for how many dates you have had? (A few things to note about me - I am a peacemaker (thanks to being an oldest child and Libra - not good for face to face disappointment) and my mother made sure we had manners (we were constantly threatened with a non-invite to the White House growing up if we had bad manners - we eventually wised up and told my Mom the invite was never going to happen for other reasons.)

So I've been thinking about what to do - some basic rules:

1. I'm never going to use the phrase, "It's not you, it's me." - Everyone knows what that means. The kiss of death. It is you. There is some unattractive about the person being told this. It's too well-known and now cruel to say (see above about manners). So basically I'm going to have to say something similar in a different way.

2. If you don't have his phone number, it's ok to email him saying that you just want to be friendly (really I don't need to be friends with you - I have enough friends and we don't have enough in common - but we could if you need to be - maybe?). But really it's only ok to email him if you've only had one or no dates. I think I'm too old now to not have to face the firing squad.

3. I will not just stop talking to a guy if we just don't hit it off on email. I will at least send you a message saying that I don't think this is ever going to result in a date. I used to get upset when they just stopped talking to you and then I got used to it and started doing it myself when I didn't feel like moving forward. But I have one guy who keeps emailing me and I email back but there is nothing but crickets and it seems wrong to just drop off the face of the earth on him.

4. If I deliver the message in person, I will do it in a public place. Like Starbucks... For safety reasons. I'm a girl. I'd rather be yelled at in public than physically threatened somewhere private. I can avoid certain places for the rest of my life if need be.

Did I miss anything? Is anything way off base? Please let me know ASAP. My readers - I beg of you!!! The executions will be commencing shortly while I'm still feeling brave.

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