Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Stuck in Neutral...

So let's start from the beginning. To start, we have to go back about a year. Yes, I've been stuck in neutral for about a year. Going nowhere fast - unable to move forward - just treading water - unable to make decisions. And it started to get depressing. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know where I was going. And I didn't know how to get out of it.

Don't worry I'm not sad about it. It was a learning experience. There is nothing any of you could do about. After I while I started recognizing what was going on, and thank goodness I kept working out and even increased my workouts starting in January. Some days that is what got me through. It's what I looked forward to. Everything they say about physical activity giving you mental and emotional uplift is totally true.

So there I am stuck. Running in neutral, going through the motions. I also had a couple of guys that I liked or were set up with but it was rejection after rejection and it was tough (Thank you to everyone that set me up or assisted with those - I'm appreciate the effort.) And then one day I want to get out of the rut, so I start going to a therapist a friend recommended. And let me tell you it's really nice to just tell a third party everything about yourself and get little nuggets of advice back. She definitely planted a few small seeds in this change and has helped me after it.

One of the things we were talking about just before I had my epiphany was getting married and having children. For months, I had been struggling with the idea of sharing my life and decisions with a man. Had I been single for too long? Was I too independent? Would I really want to get someone else's opinion on my plans or decisions? And then kids? I've traveled all over the world and have hobbies and fun (and a job that is an hour away from my house). Could I really give that up for kids? How would I juggle? (Don't get me wrong I love kids, but it's a huge responsibility.)

And then a morning a few days after that session, I'm standing at my vanity, checking my Facebook feed and a blog that I read about baking (David Lebovitz - www.davidlebovitz.com) has a post about a KitchenAid mixer giveaway. And I'm thinking well I'm never getting married, so let me see (since I'll have to buy my KitchenAid mixer)...and I happened onto this blog...

PS. If you like delicious looking baked goods/desserts or want to know what it's like to live as an American in Paris, I recommend David Lebovitz's blog. The pictures alone are worth a peek.

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