Thursday, March 31, 2011

The One that Got Away...

So I'm in the process of shifting my roster, so I have no new dates to report on. So I'm going to take this post to talk about a conversation that my friend Andre and I had over 2 glasses of wine at lunch the other day.

Somehow in talking about my blog and past relationships, we started talking about the one that got away. He claims that you can only have one in your life. Who is yours?

I know who mine is. It just never seemed to work out. We could never get it together and eventually he left for grad school (but not before I pushed a girl in a Wawa because she was talking to him - now some of you know who it is).

And then we started to talk about if we were ever one that got away. And per Andre, I evidently was. Not for him. But for another guy, who I had a very confusing relationship with. I knew him in college. I entertained his mother. He made me dinner. He slept over at my house - but yet, we never dated. And having seen him again several years later, I'm glad that I'm the one that got away. It never would have worked.

What do you think readers? Who is the one that got away? Who were the one you got away from? Are you happy or sad? I try to live my life with no regrets. If you sit there and regret, you can't focus on the present or the future and what's the point of wasting time on a past you can't change.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Comedy of A Date

You can all yell at me now. I have had 2 days in a row of no posts. I've left you all hanging about my weekend. I'm sorry. Blame my family - they have computer problems (somebody has been going somewhere they shouldn't and it got a virus). So I spent yesterday evening working to clean up their computer and get rid of the virus. It was painful just waiting for stuff to go.

But the good thing was I read most of my brother's Men's Health magazine. Have you read it? It's kind of like Marie Claire for men. I learned alot - like what not to order in certain restaurants and fun sex tips. There was a big article on what women want and look for in a man at different ages (20's, 30's and 40's). The funny thing was I told 3 different guys today that I had read the magazine. And they gave me a look of fear and said "you did? Shouldn't you be reading something else"? Really? There weren't trade secrets in the thing...what are guys so afraid of?

Anyway, last Saturday was date number 3 with A. We had plans to go to dinner and go to a comedy show. I met him at his house and then he drove us from there. His house is nice. I didn't see much but it was nice from what I saw (nothing crazy or unusual, just normal and comfortable looking - phew!) We had a great dinner at a restaurant my co-worker suggested. The conversation was just easy and fun. Then we went to the show. My co-worker and her husband were there so they got to meet A!!! (The verdict on Monday was "he is cute. Very nice and attentive".) So the comedy show starts and the comedian (who I've seen before) is drunk. Great!!! Luckily we weren't called upon or singled out, but due to his drunkness, the set went long and it was a late night. He assured me that he thought was really funny. Poor guy! He had to get up early for work the next day. So we hightailed it back to his house after the show because it was alittle bit of a ride. Good conversation back. We both hopped out of the car when we got back and met behind his truck. In the dark before I knew what was happening, I got my kiss! It was nice. There was a spark. We parted and I was off.

The next morning, while I was just getting up and he had been up for about 4 hours already, I texted him to apologize for keeping him out so late (the date was my idea - I paid for the show). And we had a fun text exchange. And then the next day on the way home from work, I got a phone call and plans were made for date 4 this weekend. (And it was revealed that his birthday is this week - no I'm not spending it with him.)

OK. That was a short recap. Things are going well. I need to do some work that I'll write about later.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Thinking and doing

As I said, I spent yesterday thinking. Thinking about what to do with B, C, and D. And how to break it off. And I spent this morning getting advice from a master, Jonathan.

So I was ready to make the necessary phone call tonight and emails and suddenly plans changed. As I'm getting off my exit to head home, the phone rings. Brring!!! It's A!! So after illegally answering the phone, I talked all the way home, and inside my house, while sitting on the couch and laying on the couch, and inhaling some dinner. Basically, we talked for about 2 hours (and we made plans to go out on Sunday).

We hang up and I know I owe you guys an entry. I can't skip a 2nd day. So I powered up the Mac and wrote what I thought was going to a really short boring entry - but it ended up being much longer than I thought.

So, B, C, and D are still not off the hook. I guess that's on tomorrow's agenda, as well as a recap of the weekend. Amen. It's after bedtime.

P.S. Don't worry. I'm not abandoning everything for A. I just feel like I need to make some room on my dance card. I want to sample some more options, but I'm not that skilled to have too many on my roster.

Speed dating

I have not kept one of my ground rules. I definitely didn't post yesterday. Sorry kids! I did think about you and my little crazy journey that I've been on. I guess I could have posted one of my already written posts - but I'm not in love with the one that I've finished.

Also, I'm not really excited to talk about the next date that I had in the sequence of dates. There wasn't anything wrong with it, but it also wasn't very memorable. This was my 2nd date with B - it was last Thursday. So I just had gone on a first date with D the night before and now I had a 2nd date with B.

We went to a casual restaurant in my old neighborhood of Courthouse. As I was late last time, I made sure I left work in enough time to get there on time - and I ended up being alittle early. And he ended up being late! Yeah! I'm not the only late one. He picked the restaurant, but he forgot where it was. He hadn't been to the restaurant before (which I thought was kind of odd.) What if the restaurant wasn't good? I don't know - I'd be too nervous to suggest a restaurant I hadn't been to before. Either that or I'd be up front that I hadn't been there (just get the caveat out there in case it was terrible or something goes wrong). I guess I try to impress.

So we ended up splitting a pizza. And when he doesn't order any alcohol, I don't either. I don't really drink that much as most of you know so it worked with my alcohol diet (I can save that drink for another date). But I kind of missed having a drink. It definitely made the date feel more like high school. I don't know why I didn't order a drink. After the waiter left, I instantly regretted it. We just sat there and drank our waters while we waited for our food.

So we talk and it was nice, but that was it. It was just nice, but there wasn't really any spark. I do have one funny story. We decide early on that we're going to split the pizza (it wasn't huge and it was really thin crust). We got meatball, pepperoni, salami, and sausage (his side was minus the sausage.) Ok - that was four pieces per person. So I ate three pieces on my half and there were like 2 or 3 left. So I say to him, "I think one of the pieces left is mine (I can see it has sausage on it)". He asks, "How many pieces have you had?" I say "3", sheepishly. He starts to laugh (laugh!), and says "I've only had 2." I'm thinking are you calling me fat because I ate three pieces. It's not like I wolfed them down. I carried on a conversation. I guess I'm just a fast eater. I don't know. So then I couldn't eat the last piece (even though I'm still hungry). Ass! So I just sat there and drank about 3 glasses of water while he finished his last 2 pieces of pizza. I ended up not being hungry in the end, but guess what ended up happening to my last piece? He told the waiter to box it up and he took it home! Oh I wasn't touching that piece with a ten foot pole. Ugh!

So we talked for alittle while after we finished eating, but we left the restaurant at 8:30 (which was a pretty early night). Our cars were near each other. He walked me to my car. I went in for the hug - he hesitated for a minute to try and get the kiss, but he chickened out and I was kind of happy. I just wasn't feeling it. And then he asks me out again to a movie (either tonight or Thursday). Some no-name foreign film? Or art film? I said yes. Why you ask? Because I wondered if I wasn't giving him enough of a chance. I don't know. I really don't know if I'm making a rush judgement or what? Anyway, obviously we didn't go out tonight. He emailed me the next day or Friday to set it up and I emailed him back, but I haven't heard back from him. So maybe he reconsidered. Or maybe he got hurt doing the half marathon over the weekend. I don't know.

Overall, I don't know.

Random thoughts on B:
  • He's skinner than I am. I didn't realize this at first, but I'm not a big girl. I can still shop in the petite section. I don't know. I like to feel small next to a guy. It also doesn't help that he drives a Miata. Also, not a very manly car. (I have car prejudice. I always have - ever since I started dating. I like guys that drive SUVs and pickup trucks. Sports cars don't do anything for me.) Yes I know I'm shallow. I said I might be. I warned you.

  • He's Jewish. I am proven to be a shiska goddess. Carrie and Katie can attest to it. They watched these guys at the Four Seasons in Austin pool circle me like sharks because I looked like I could also be attending that night's Jewish wedding. Little did they know, Carrie and I flirted it up with the groom and his party in the elevator later in our bathing suits and towels. But I'm not Jewish and I won't be converting (even though I thought about it for a minute for the hot rabbi). I am looking for a Christian guy (for the same reasons my Jewish friend is looking for a Jewish guy). He doesn't have to be Catholic or uber-religious, but he has to do Christmas and understand and accept that I will continue to go to church for the rest of my life. And I'm taking our kids with me to church.

And now a naughty commercial break

I was emailed this photo last night by my dear friend, Amy. It seems that I have a new enjoyer of my blog.

That's right. My blog keeps the pussies warm at night. Ba dum dum! (Yes I thought of that within 2 minutes of seeing this picture.)

Or here's another one I thought of this morning - My blog will keep your pussy entertained. (Ugh! Ok that one was bad. I usually have to edit myself - but I don't feel like it today so it's staying.)

Photo credit: Amy - mother of Luna, the kitten.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Thinning the there a better way to say "It's not you, it's me?"

Credit: Apple

As I've stated in other posts, it's getting time to thin the herd. Or really the time is upon us. (I've gotten another text from C today - this after I didn't answer the 3rd one he sent yesterday.) This heifer is not liking some of the steers around her and is already looking to other pastures. Some of them can stay for now.

So in my past relationships (I'll admit, it's not a huge history to pull from), I was the breaker- upper. I grew bored or scared. Sometimes I used them (to not have to look for a date for the junior/senior prom 1 month before) and they eventually caught on. But I have to admit in the past I've used the actions technique of suddenly not answering phone calls/making plans/etc. and then a subsequent phone call initiated by them happens where I (after some hemming and hawing and nail biting) admit my true desires to not continue on in the relationship. Not exactly the most mature way of dealing with the situation.

So I want to wear my big girl panties this time and actually attempt to gracefully extricate myself from some of these encounters. But what is the best way to do it? Do you call? Is email ok? Do you have to do it in person? Are there different rules for how many dates you have had? (A few things to note about me - I am a peacemaker (thanks to being an oldest child and Libra - not good for face to face disappointment) and my mother made sure we had manners (we were constantly threatened with a non-invite to the White House growing up if we had bad manners - we eventually wised up and told my Mom the invite was never going to happen for other reasons.)

So I've been thinking about what to do - some basic rules:

1. I'm never going to use the phrase, "It's not you, it's me." - Everyone knows what that means. The kiss of death. It is you. There is some unattractive about the person being told this. It's too well-known and now cruel to say (see above about manners). So basically I'm going to have to say something similar in a different way.

2. If you don't have his phone number, it's ok to email him saying that you just want to be friendly (really I don't need to be friends with you - I have enough friends and we don't have enough in common - but we could if you need to be - maybe?). But really it's only ok to email him if you've only had one or no dates. I think I'm too old now to not have to face the firing squad.

3. I will not just stop talking to a guy if we just don't hit it off on email. I will at least send you a message saying that I don't think this is ever going to result in a date. I used to get upset when they just stopped talking to you and then I got used to it and started doing it myself when I didn't feel like moving forward. But I have one guy who keeps emailing me and I email back but there is nothing but crickets and it seems wrong to just drop off the face of the earth on him.

4. If I deliver the message in person, I will do it in a public place. Like Starbucks... For safety reasons. I'm a girl. I'd rather be yelled at in public than physically threatened somewhere private. I can avoid certain places for the rest of my life if need be.

Did I miss anything? Is anything way off base? Please let me know ASAP. My readers - I beg of you!!! The executions will be commencing shortly while I'm still feeling brave.

You go left, I go right

To recap this week, I'll go through the calendar now:

Monday - The date with Mr. Iron Grip, C (see yesterday's blog entry)
Tuesday - REST!!! I spent my evening at home. I needed a break after my 3 date bonanza and I was supposed to run.
Wednesday - A first date with D (see below)
Thursday - Second date with B (see blog tomorrow)
Friday - A night off again. I was avoiding C (and his endless texts - I got 3 on Friday) and my house was becoming a mess.
Saturday - TODAY!! - Gym, no tan, and laundry - well the laundry hasn't been started yet. I'm blogging instead. But I should get some laundry in before I go out tonight with A - Date No. 3.

I was alittle surprised when I suggested to D that we meet at 8 on Wednesday night for a date and he agreed (I thought it was kind of late). It was just for drinks at a local bar. I had an appointment with my therapist after work so we met up after that. For whatever reason, I decided to kind of dress up for this date. I wore a cute little black dress (not formfitting - a baby doll) and some really sexy black stockings (the guys at work love them). I was the woman in black.

The bar wasn't that crowded for a Wednesday night and we easily found a table to sit at. He's cute and attractive. And when he talks, I can tell he's alittle nerdy because it comes out almost right away that he's in the science field. So we ended up talking about a summer internship that I had between 11th and 12th grade at NIH. It was my one time of working in a professional laboratory. (We goofed around alot with poisonous scorpions, snot and spit - I learned I didn't want to work in a research lab - most people in labs are socially awkward - great people watching.) I can't believe I remembered as much as I did. Usually I can't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday.

So a third of the way through, he brings up that he's divorced. I'm say, "Okay. That's fine". Then he tells me I usually just mention it on the first date - it's really a 4th or 5th date topic. Right. And then he keeps talking. Talking about his divorce and his ex. He knew her for 12 years. They were married for 5. They've been separated for 3, divorced for 1. They met in grad school. They were roommates first. You get the picture. He went on and on. I think in 20 minutes, I knew all the basics about their 12 year relationship. He even told me what she was up to today. I'm thinking "Oh good God". What just happened to it's a 4th or 5th date conversation? I couldn't get a word in edgewise. It was a bad case of oral diarrhea. So when he was finally done, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I needed a few minutes to figure out where to steer the conversation from there.

Back from my bathroom break, we regroup where he steers the conversation to movies. OK - I don't watch that many movies. I'd like to but I don't. The last movie I saw in the theater was actually in January - it was Country Strong (a chick flick for Amy's birthday). And I watched a few old movies while I was sick recently - but nothing a guy would watch, except for North by Northwest and maybe Pure Country (but only if you like country music). So here is this guy trying to have a conversation with me (but really himself) about how great The Social Network was and how it was so much more of an Oscar contender than it was. If I had had a watch on, I probably would have been checking it. I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. I hadn't seen a single Oscar film (or critcal acclaimed film for that matter). I have to say I was relieved when he said, "Ok, we'd better go".

So he walks me part of the way to my car. We hug. He says to me, "We should go running together on a Saturday some time." (Sorry I skipped over that part of the date - he runs, but slower than me - bad knees or something). I said, "Yeah, (relieved that he wasn't going to suggest a 2nd date) I'm running with a group on Saturdays but in 3 weeks, it's over so after that". That may have been alittle mean looking back. Oh well, I don't admit to being perfect. And I continued to my car. I thought as I drove away - Nice guy. A little rough in the dating department, but he also recognized that we were not a match so no love/time lost (I was a cheap date - one beer). Or so I thought?

Postscript: So I check my eHarmony yesterday or Thursday (I can't remember), and I have an email from him on eHarmony. He tells me what a good time he had and how much we had in common (huh??? - it was really just running and a 3 month gig I had 16 years ago). And he also said it was cool that I had seen the documentary about Banksy, "Exit Through the Gift Shop". Yeah, never seen it. Don't know where he got that from? Some other girl? Maybe he just made it up in his mind because I might have said that I had heard of it? And he wants to go out again. Really? Did he not see that we really had nothing in common? That the conversation was alittle awkward at times? I know that I'm charming - but dang! Are the pickings out there on the internet really that bad? I guess I'll find out as I'm going back out into the pool to look for more first dates. I think D is going to get a "It's not you, it's me email by the end of the weekend".

Friday, March 25, 2011

A quick message to a special reader

credit: Jason Shelfer

I just want to give a quick Happy Anniversary shout out to one of my readers and friends, Jana and Jason Shelfer. Today is their 5th wedding anniversary.

They are one of the most in-love couples that I know. I love spending time with both of you and seeing the way that you love and respect one another. (And how much you love Sassy and now Tater). I only wish that one day I have a relationship just like the one that you have.

Love, Miss S

We May Have the Beginning of a "Stage Five Clinger"

So to continue the saga of 3 dates in 3 days, it's time to talk about date 3 which was just 5 nights ago (Monday night).

I didn't really know much about this guy. His match subscription was ending just after we started talking but he seemed cool and wanted to go to happy hour even if we just decided we were better suited as friends. So we only exchanged an email or two and then decided to meet up for dinner on Monday night. He picked the restaurant - an Italian place in Potomac (I'd heard of it but never been there). Not very happy hour-esque, but anyway.

So off I went. I couldn't tell what ethnicity he was, but upon meeting him I discover that he is Indian. Grew up in the Midwest and now works in DC after a long school career (multiple degrees). He had a nerdy vibe (which didn't bother me, but it can go either strong silent nerdy or pathetic sad nerdy.)

And about 20 minutes (or maybe less), I can tell that I am not attracted to him. And here's what really sealed it for me - he talked about what a bad experience online dating has been and how he just can't meet a nice girl or any friends who are women in DC for that matter. And he went on about it for about 5-10 minutes.

I'm sorry, but that is so unattractive to me. It just makes you look pathetic. Don't tell me some sad sack story about how you meet all these crazy girls who aren't what you are looking for and you are just a hopeless romantic, and want to cuddle...blah blah blah. GIRLS DON'T LIKE THAT! They don't want to hear how pathetic you are. Men are men - they are strong and confident even when they aren't. Believe me, I work with mostly men - I've watched all of them BS about something. I'm just looking for some positive spin. So you haven't met the right girl, so online dating is coming up with all the wrong girls, you can't somehow spin that in at least a neutral way. Don't go on and on into some sob story or spin it as a hopeless romantic story. It's not attractive.

Ok, now I'm getting off my soapbox to tell you about the rest of the date. Dinner was good. We had a nice meal and some wine. The restaurant was closing (we weren't the last ones to leave) so I took the rest of my pasta to go and we walked out to the parking lot to our cars. Quick chat and we go for what I think is the first date hug. But no - the hug ends and I'm trying to back up and he's got a grip on my arms. Before I can react, he goes in for the kiss. WHAT!? Just a small peck. OK...phew. But the grip is still there. This time, I get all tense, trying to move my face away from his - side to side, but still the iron grip. One more kiss - this one feels like slow-mo. I'm thinking seriously - you can't feel me tensing up and trying to avoid you. Red flags/alarm bells going off in my head, but in the end, I just had to let him kiss me again if this was going to end. Nothing in those kisses - no spark. I'm released. I quickly lunge for the door of my car and get in.

So why do I think I have the beginning of a "Stage Five Clinger" (who knows what movie that is from?)? Because I have gotten at least one text from him every day since I saw him. It's like he can't let me go. I saw it in his eyes and it looks alittle creepy. He asked me to go out on Friday a few days ago, but luckily I had possible plans.

I think he's going to have to be thinned from the herd. I had already made my decision to just be friends with him while still on the date. He sounded like he needed dating advice, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I'm alittle afraid to call him up and tell him I don't want to see him again. I feel like he's either going to yell or cry. So just avoiding the inevitable for now.

One last random thought on C:

He said to me that he wants to go to Italy. And I said, "Just go. Go as your next vacation." And he says to me, "well I want to go with someone special. I want it to be romantic". I'm thinking oh good God. I tell him "it's not as romantic as you think. You should just go. You don't want to wait for that woman to come along. I went with my sister." Who says that?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Questions? Ideas?

I know I'm behind on postings. But I'm catching up. I'm only 2 dates behind now (this Monday and last night). (And I have another one tonight - but by the weekend I should be all caught up!? Maybe.)

I've been getting questions here and there. Other people's experiences have also come up.

If you have any questions or ideas for a posting, email me or leave me a comment. I just talk about what I think you'd like to hear.

My email address is: .

Or hit the word "comments" at the bottom of this post and you can send me a message.

Also, I'd like to give a shout out to my co-worker Jennifer who told me I was a dating whore this morning. I like to think of myself as a dating superagent - it's dangerous and stealth work, but all done in seriousness...


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Sunday night date?

So as I left you in the soap opera that was my weekend, I headed down to Richmond (the new hot bed of college basketball - Go Spiders!). A fabulous engagement party (where I answered a few questions about the blog - it was good to get the feedback and thoughts). And Sunday morning I was back on the road again home in order to get myself together for date #2 with A.

I have to say I was nervous. First dates for me are easy. There's really no pressure. You barely know this guy. So you dress casual but cute, go to a bar, you have a drink (or 2), talk for awhile and you pretty much know if you'd like to have another within an hour or so. I have gone of lots of first dates (and lots of them ended with radio silence), but this was a 2nd date. And it was on a Sunday. I'm still not sure if I've ever gone on a Sunday night date. What do I wear? What will we talk about? The afternoon before the date, my head felt like it was going a mile a minute. So what do I do to prepare - one of my favorite activities, nap. It calms me. And I knew I might be more charming with one.

So I actually figured out my outfit pretty quickly and got ready. And pretty much on the dot, he picked me up (yes I was nervously busying myself in my living room/kitchen).

The restaurant couldn't seat us right away so we sat at the bar and had a drink. We eased right back into conversation. The meal went great. Our poor waitress was getting the full extent of both of our sarcasm and she didn't even realize it. We headed back to the bar after a long dinner. This time we talked mostly about his job and family. He has alot of great stories from his job. I was charming (the nap worked). After a few hours, we realized we were pretty much the last people in the restaurant and headed out. He had to work early in the AM and I had the gym. So back to my house, a quick chat/goodbye in the driveway and I bounded back up the stairs into my house.

The only thing about the date was I really wanted him to kiss me at the end. And he didn't. I got another hug and kiss on the cheek. I tried to give all the right signals, but I didn't have enough huevos to make it happen myself. So I was a bit worried that night that he wasn't feeling it as much as I was (and I became more worried when he stopped texting me mid-conversation the next day). But we talked last night on the phone and date number 3 is in the works for the weekend.

So I guess I better make my kiss happen this weekend. Sometimes a girl just has to do what a girl has to do.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

When Guys Don't Call/Text/Email or A Reason Why Women are Crazy

Today you get a bonus post because I just love you, my readers!

I'm feeling the love today and giving the love. I told my personal trainer that I loved him today with the quick added caveat of " I mean like a brother". He gave me his usual "you are crazy" look (it happens at least once every 2 weeks) and we started talking about the horrible smell on that side of the gym. In my defense, it was 6:40 in the morning (and I'm usually still brushing my teeth).

So back to the real point of my post - When guys don't call/text/email or a reason why women are crazy. I was talking to Lynn tonight on my way home from work (after talking to A) and we got on the topic of freaking out when a guy doesn't text/call/email with a "reasonable" amount of time. It is a classic occurrence with women. We get it - guys have a different sense of time than we do.

But we are emotional (and sometimes hormonal) creatures. And these crazy thoughts just somehow creep into our heads (especially when you stop texting us in mid-conversation even though you were at work - ok, a few thoughts entered my head today) or he doesn't call within 48 hours of our last conversation or date. We know guys aren't counting the hours and our minds may be exaggerating the amount of time he hasn't made contact, but sometimes it's hard to shut off.

Maybe I've done enough internet dating prior to this. Maybe I can thank my old guy friend, Dusty Bottoms, who was the king of pulling a Houdini. (As termed by my friend Danielle (DR), pulling a Houdini is when a person just leaves the bar/restaurant/club without telling any of the people he/she came there with.) Dusty was great at it. At first it bothered all us girls that he just left us hanging, but after a few times, we just brushed it off - he's a guy - no thought process when that wasted.

My point is you shouldn't freak out (I have really trained myself not to - think about why you are freaking). You may really want to talk to him or see him, and that's awesome. Revel in the excitement of knowing that you so badly want to talk to him. It's exciting. And if he never calls/emails/texts back, consider yourself lucky. You didn't have to waste anymore time on that guy (it's not going to work out anyway).

And when you don't want to talk to him anymore or that date was horribly bad, you can use the same technique as guys use on you. Don't call/text/email back or only intermittently (see below). He'll get the hint.

P.S. I only recommend my last piece advice at the beginning of the interaction. I will need some serious advice on this more soon as I think the herd is going to need to be thinned a little.

Also, I'm not going to even go into the random intermittent texts/calls. Ladies, we all know what those are for. And if you need that itch to be scratched, go for it. No shame in admitting it. Own it. A girl has needs too. Call a spade a spade and don't expect him to become your boyfriend (or even next day texter/caller). There was only one type of connection.

Crack of Dawn

A quick timeline - because I hear this is getting confusing - and it's going to get even more confusing because I have more letters to add and more dates to be had.

Friday March 11th - First date with A
Saturday March 12th - Friday March 18th - No dates, just conversations, internet dating, going out with friends, USO - you get it.
Saturday March 19th - A first date with B and an 80's party in Richmond
Sunday March 20th - Race back from Richmond, 2nd Date with A
Monday March 21st - First Date with C
TODAY - REST!!! I was supposed to have running, but a long conference call and an injured knee has me sitting on the couch, blogging and watching "Where the Heart Is" (great book and movie)

So back to the crack of dawn, that's the time I was up on Saturday March 19th. I needed to pack for Richmond and I had an 8:30 AM coffee date in Crystal City with B. That's right - I asked him to meet me at 8:30 on a Saturday morning. And he said YES! My pictures on the web or my emails to him must have been really attractive. Honestly, he is a serious runner so I thought he was probably up pretty early on a Saturday morning (And I guess I was right).

So we were supposed to meet for coffee at Starbucks in the "mall" at Crystal City. He offered to meet me on the street in front of the mall (he said it's alittle confusing to find the Starbucks). But little old confident me said "Don't worry. I'm sure I'll be able to find it." (I'm the least directional challenged person I know.) RIIGGHTTT...there is more than one mall in Crystal City. There is more than 1 Starbucks around the "malls" in Crystal City. In fact, along the Crystal Drive (where the Shops at Crystal City are - aka the mall), there are 4 coffee places that are easily seen and accessible on the street (none of which are Starbucks). So you see where I'm going, I couldn't find it. I was panicking. Thank goodness I have an iPhone. After quickly looking up his number in the email he sent me, I had to admit my stupidity and now lateness and tell him I couldn't find it. After a quick look at a map and a few directions, I finally found him a few blocks away inside the other mall at a Starbucks (why he had to pick the one coffee place inside, I still don't know).

So we had some coffee and sat and talked for about 2 hours. It was a good and easy conversation. We had a bunch of things to talk about. I think the married couple with kids who were sitting at the table near us was totally eavesdropping on our conversation. He's a nice guy. There was one point in the conversation that whatever one of us said we liked, the other didn't. I was thinking "Uh Oh". But it's a first date, we moved on to something else.

So 2 hours and 1 cup of tea, I had to be off to drive to Richmond. We hugged and he immediately said let's go out again. I said "Yes" and we picked this Thursday evening.

So another successful first date. And another 2nd date in the works.

A few random thoughts about B
  • He was carrying a shopping bag. I said "I hope you didn't buy me a gift." Don't worry it wasn't. He pulled out an outfit for his 4 year-old niece. He bought it at the outlets for her birthday. But he didn't really say why he had brought it to our date? The mall wasn't open.
  • He didn't buy me my drink. It was a $2.50 cup of tea. I may be old-fashioned and sometimes guys don't have alot of money, but it was $2.50 (you should pay.) Don't worry - I don't hold it against him - we are going out again.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I will not be going hungry

So in the last 2 days I've acquired enough leftovers that I will not be going hungry anytime soon (I promised that I tried to not take them, but they insisted - they are all Italian. The pasta in the bowl I made a few days ago.)

Day 3 of the date bonanza is over and it was a good one. Lots of material for a post. Tomorrow is a day off from dates so expect a recap of the first date with B.

This is how classy of a girl I am - my date tonight goes to the bathroom and I'm texting B to confirm a time for our date on Thursday. He comes back and is like who are you texting. Me, "A friend. She had a terrible day at work today and I just wanted to make sure she's ok". So classy - text another guy while on a date. (At least I know what time my date is on Thursday?)

Weekend Update (this is not SNL)

It's been a busy weekend. Two dates in 2 days. Another date tonight. One 1980's party for Carrie and Matt in Richmond and 1 night out for margaritas with Caitlin. Honestly, I don't know how I keep it all together either. I did have a moment of panic this AM when I thought that I might have actually committed to going out with 2 guys tonight. But thank goodness that I had forgotten to email one of the guys (sorry!) to set up our date. So he got an email this AM suggesting later this week for drinks.

OK - I have to run off and finish my salad. (So happy to be eating grilled chicken, steamed veg and salad today for lunch - I'm alittle worried about my waistline with all this drinking and eating out).

Upcoming entries to come - a first date with B, second date with A, my exchange with "Mr. DC Council"...

PS. I went to ask Ann a work question and she's reading The Pioneer Woman's blog while eating her lunch. She proceeds to pull up several photos of the Marlboro Man and oohs and aahs. Makes me laugh every time (each ooh and ahh is funnier than the next.) Just thought I'd share.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

First Date of Dates

Note: I started this post many times in my head over the last week. I even started writing it yesterday afternoon. But after talking to some people about my blog, I'm not sure about how to write these posts. So this is going to be my first attempt. I'm sure it'll be not enough details, but I'll probably end up revising it along the way. I just really want to protect the guys. It's only fair to them.

So I met A on Catholic Match. We had a really great email rapport. It was so easy to email him little messages, but after a few he asked me to meet him on a Friday night at a local bar/restaurant for drinks. Cool.

A is 32 years old. He lives about 45 minutes away from me, but he works closer by. He doesn't work in an office. He works 24 hours and then has 48 hours off. He’s also in school getting a another degree. He’s cute. Cute and athletic.

So I get to the bar at the appointed time. I’m wearing (I know you all want to know) sort of skinny jeans (they are a size too big – I have smaller ones now), a flowy tank top, my brown military style jacket, and brown peep toe pumps. It’s packed -wall to wall people. Shoot! Of course, I didn’t look at his picture before I walked out of work (I did have his number), so I had to go off memory. But he found me.

We got beers and started talking. It was a really good light-hearted conversation. I was charming – as Amy says I can talk to guys about anything. It comes from being the one of only a few girls in an office full of guys. I have to know about MMA/UFC, living off the grid, football, basketball, strippers, alcohol, poker, etc. Then I would have nothing to talk about with my co-workers all day long. Don’t worry – we didn’t talk about any of those things! But it was an easy conversation.

The funny thing as soon as one topic ended, he would ask me a question about myself (something I posted on my profile). I couldn't get many questions in edgewise - but it was ok. The only hiccup was I must have put that I like cooking in my profile. When he asked me about it, I had had about 15 oz of beer. I was feeling it (on the way to be cooked). Thank goodness at that point I had already said to him, let's get some food and we were sitting at a table and I was able to get some water. So when he said to asked me about cooking, I just said "I said that?" He started to laugh (I must have had a great expression on my face). I started to laugh and I started to backpeddle. "Well I guess I do like to cook, but I really don't cook right now." In fact, I couldn't even remember the last thing I had cooked. So I said "Ummm, I guess I'm going to have to change that. I mean I will cook. I can cook. I just haven't been cooking". Way to backpeddle, D. Time to stop drinking.

So we left after about 4 hours, a few beers and dinner (I had a burger - yes, I did it. No salad for this girl. He might as well know I'm not afraid.) He had work the next day and I had a 7:30 AM run.

He walked me to my car. Where we had another funny moment. So I had another blouse hanging in the car. I needed options and I was meeting him straight from work. So he caught me. He asks me what is this blouse is for - and I just start to laugh. "You caught me. I needed options. So I guess I won't be wearing this blouse for awhile.". A hug and a kiss on the cheek and I was off.

A few other random thoughts about A:

  • He told me I looked better than my pictures I posted on my profile. Smile!
  • He makes me laugh. We've talked and texted every couple of days since our date (he did ask me for a 2nd date that Sunday night.)
  • The conversation is easy.
  • He wants to travel to Europe. I'm over that part of my life and those adventures. I'd rather spend the thousands on dollars on something else.
  • I'm questioning my chemistry meter. Did we have chemistry? How will I know?

Quick Update - Saturday

I’m so tired. I’m currently laying on the guest bed at Katie’s house in Richmond. We (the girls in the bridal party) just finished decorating her house for Carrie and Matt’s 80’s themed engagement party. It is beyond tacky. I thought since I have a big party tonight that I’d better get my blog entry in now.

I’ve already broke my one rule and didn’t post anything last night. But I had to go out for a drink after a minor freak out about date number 2 with A. Luckily, Caitlin texted me at the perfect time to tell me she loved the blog so far and I had no problems convincing her to go for margaritas. In a store full of useless crap, in one sentence she told me I was being an idiot about my date 2 hang-up (which was he’s picking me up at my house and I don’t have time to clean it this weekend – I did do a quick tidy last night) and I was fine. Margaritas followed.

Thank you to everyone who is reading the blog! I hope that it is entertaining. The words of encouragement are awesome. Just the fact that people are reading it is so fun to me. If you have questions of me, please ask away. I have about 5 entries still to write. I’m already getting backlogged. So more to come in the near future.

Love, D

Postscript: I really did write this yesterday afternoon, but connectivity issues prevented an upload. I'm currently watching Eat, Pray, Love and I don't know if I can make it - tears might flow. I might have to run to pull myself back together before I finish this movie (yes, I read the book, I know how it ends - but it's hard to relive as a woman (probably hormones)).

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Letter

As soon as I finished the book, I got the flu. Boo! (I'm better now.) But I spent alot of time on the couch and in bed, watching old movies and thinking. Thinking about what I could offer in a relationship. What I was looking for in a guy. I made mental lists (I am an accountant after all.) And I updated/created my profiles accordingly. I was so happy. And I really felt I owed it all to Ree (aka The Pioneer Woman). So after a week of thinking, I decided to do what I wanted to in my heart - to write the most heartfelt thank you letter.

So one night after work, I sat down and hammered it out. Then I sent it to Ann who said it was perfect and before I went to bed, it was off. Here's the letter:


I wanted to send you an email to tell you THANK YOU. Thank you from the bottom of my heart because in the span of a week you have changed my life. I know that seems crazy and I hardly believe it myself, but it’s true.

About two weeks ago, I found your blog (via David Lebovitz) and I started reading a few entries. Your website was so funny so I decided to stop by Target and pick up your new book. I devoured it over a couple of nights and when I closed the book at the end, I had had an epiphany. I was no longer the independent 32 year-old single world travelling woman who was wondering if she even wanted to change her lifestyle for children and how she was going deal with sharing her decisions and life with a man. I was the woman who looked at her friends and just thought they were married so the next step was just to have kids.

I get it now. That’s not it at all. It’s about standing solidly with your feet on the ground next to a guy who is also solidly planted. It’s about the pride, satisfaction, and contentment in growing roots and raising children that are one day going to go off into the world. Just thinking about it gives me a lump in my throat. It’s the first thing I’ve ever wanted with my whole heart. I want it so bad I can taste it. I want it today and I’m praying everyday that it happens soon.

So I’m working to try and make it happen. I’m letting everyone around me know that this is what I want. And so I just wanted to let you know because you were the reason why it happened and why I am so deliriously happy. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Hopefully one day, I’ll get to thank you in person (you aren’t coming to DC on your book tour), but in the meantime, thank you!

Much love and gratitude,

-------- (Miss Scarlett's real name)

P.S. Since I’m telling everyone that I’m looking for a man, if you know any awesome cowboys who are looking for a cute brunette woman who is originally from a small town on the edge of farm country, send them in my direction. I’m sure I’ll have them laughing on my take on life out in the country. I can guarantee they’ll have clean drawers, a fully stomach, a warm bed, and a loyal wife. (Anything else is a maybe).

A quick note - The Pioneer Woman has a single cowboy on her ranch who is my age and cute (hence the PS note). Ann and I hope that she'll write me back and invite me out. She told me I have to bring her. Amen.


Man - balancing the calendar is really tough!!! I'm kind of glad that I didn't end up with a date tomorrow night (Friday). I need a day to do laundry and get ready to go to Richmond.

So I have coffee date early Saturday morning (he's a marathon runner - he can handle 8:30) and I have penciled in a 2nd date on Sunday with A (I'll post a full recap of 1st date with A lata). My Mom thinks that I'm going to somehow have time to come over and look at paint samples and crap on Sunday. Little does she know.

But a quick check of emails, it seems that more dates to come next week. So I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A blog and a book

OK - so the KitchenAid Mixer giveaway led me to the blog of The Pioneer Woman ( And I started looking around at a few entries in the Confessions section (homeschooling has no applicability to me, but I have since checked out cooking and photography). She was so funny and there was something about her adventures (with Marlboro Man and the kids) that made me laugh. See the Pioneer Woman is a country club town girl who lived in LA who married an Oklahoma rancher and now raises 4 kids on a cattle ranch in the country - random I know, but reading her thoughts I feel like she could be friends with us (she's kind of random and nutty like us).

So I discover she has a book about how she met her husband, The Pioneer Woman Black Heels to Tractor Wheels. And I was curious - how does a girl just living in LA end up with a cattle rancher. So a rainy Tuesday night, I run to Tar-jay and find it on the shelves. I snap it up and home I go. And I read. And not all at once (I do have work and things), but over the course of the next 5 or so days, and let me tell you I was a changed woman after that.

Maybe it was reading it little by little and thinking about it. Maybe it was all the reminders of my own family and growing up. Maybe it was the hope that it was all actually possible. I don't know but it is a true story and it's not self-help.

But as soon as I put the book down, I knew. It all became clear. I want to get married and have babies. I want to create a family. It was like a bolt of lightening. It was the clearest goal I've ever had in my life.

But I knew this book was really special when I passed it off to my married co-worker, Ann, as soon as I finished it and she had a similar but less intense reaction. She said it was also awesome. I reminded her of all the reasons why she fell in love with her husband and I see she is renewed in regards to him. (She also now sends me pictures she finds of the Marlboro Man on Google - I call her a stalker.)

So there you go. I've revealed the book. It's not by Oprah or Dr. Phil. It's not The Secret (I couldn't get into it.) It's an almost romance novel about a crazy redhead and her cowboy in Oklahoma. Pick it up. I'd lend you my copy but another co-worker has it. I think everyone will get something (if only enjoyment) out of it.

Delay in programming

Sorry for the delay in programming. I was planning on getting the continuation of my story out before dinner time today but other things got in the way.

Dinner plans and an impromptu shopping trip to Old Navy has left me with 2 new hot summer dresses and a tunic and a huge catchup with Lynnie.

Lynn and I did get hit on by "Dr. Endocrinologist" in the bar at Matchbox. Props to your Dr. E for hitting on two girls that were clearly in a deep conversation and glasses of wine. Your weird necklace and tight designer henley shirt confused and intrigued me, but in the end we were in deep catch up mode and couldn't be swayed to join you and your friends. It happens. But you've got balls, sir.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Stuck in Neutral...

So let's start from the beginning. To start, we have to go back about a year. Yes, I've been stuck in neutral for about a year. Going nowhere fast - unable to move forward - just treading water - unable to make decisions. And it started to get depressing. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know where I was going. And I didn't know how to get out of it.

Don't worry I'm not sad about it. It was a learning experience. There is nothing any of you could do about. After I while I started recognizing what was going on, and thank goodness I kept working out and even increased my workouts starting in January. Some days that is what got me through. It's what I looked forward to. Everything they say about physical activity giving you mental and emotional uplift is totally true.

So there I am stuck. Running in neutral, going through the motions. I also had a couple of guys that I liked or were set up with but it was rejection after rejection and it was tough (Thank you to everyone that set me up or assisted with those - I'm appreciate the effort.) And then one day I want to get out of the rut, so I start going to a therapist a friend recommended. And let me tell you it's really nice to just tell a third party everything about yourself and get little nuggets of advice back. She definitely planted a few small seeds in this change and has helped me after it.

One of the things we were talking about just before I had my epiphany was getting married and having children. For months, I had been struggling with the idea of sharing my life and decisions with a man. Had I been single for too long? Was I too independent? Would I really want to get someone else's opinion on my plans or decisions? And then kids? I've traveled all over the world and have hobbies and fun (and a job that is an hour away from my house). Could I really give that up for kids? How would I juggle? (Don't get me wrong I love kids, but it's a huge responsibility.)

And then a morning a few days after that session, I'm standing at my vanity, checking my Facebook feed and a blog that I read about baking (David Lebovitz - has a post about a KitchenAid mixer giveaway. And I'm thinking well I'm never getting married, so let me see (since I'll have to buy my KitchenAid mixer)...and I happened onto this blog...

PS. If you like delicious looking baked goods/desserts or want to know what it's like to live as an American in Paris, I recommend David Lebovitz's blog. The pictures alone are worth a peek.

After Track Practice Update

Just a quick update. I made it onto all 3 internet dating sites since getting back from practice. Responded to a bunch of emails and winks and sent 1 or 2 feelers out myself. I had 2 invites for drinks and 1 for coffee. So hopefully I can juggle all of them with being in Richmond this weekend and USO volunteering on Thursday. One guy comes through Tysons at 4:30 everyday!!! Who is out of work by 4:30? I'm trying to push it back to 5 at least.

The one guy I thought I would hear from I haven't. I'll call him "Mr. Texter/Caller". He informs me via the website email that he's really great guy and quickly sends me his phone number, telling me that he really likes texting and calling. Mind you, this was after 3 really introductory emails. I write back very politely and in my email say I think instead of texting/calling that we should just meet. Just from his emails he kind of smells immature like a high school boy. Oh well Mr. Texter/Caller, I can't say I'll be sad if I never hear from you again.

Feeling Guilty...

So I'm feeling guilty. I am currently on 3 internet dating sites (yes - 3). I figured I have alot of ground to cover and I want to do it in the shortest amount of time possible. So 3 sites - the most I've ever been on in one time. Actually technically I have 2 at Match or eHarmony (I can't remember - but I'm not paying for one and I can't figure out how to get rid of it) - so that's a total of 4.

Anyway, I was really good at the beginning. I made all my profiles, feeling good, was very clear about what I wanted. And I was actually checking it daily - all of them - and it wasn't a pain in my behind (that's what it felt like before).

Yeah well, I haven't checked any of them in 2 days now...and I'm feeling guilty. I've just been busy. It was a busy weekend for running and recovering (and shopping for new clothes). But I can at least be consoled in the fact that I did have a 2 hour conversation on Sunday night with my date from Friday night (2nd date penciled in for this weekend). And I did respond to another guy's request to meet for dinner/happy hour this week (to tell him that I'm busy except for Friday and some time is available next week).

So feeling guilty...Tonight is running group practice on the track and then I'll need to buckle down and pull out the computer afterwards and keep the internet dating fires going.


So why did I start this blog? It's probably because I've been reading too many blogs and since I've given up celebrity gossip for Lent, I need to find something to fill my time. But really it's because as many of you know, I've recently had an epiphany! (When I just typed that, it came out in my mind in OPRAH voice - you know the one.)

Yes, as my therapist says, I'm in a period of transition and my transition is happening. Since my friends are so interested in my new goals and life and you'all live all over the place, I just thought in order to keep everyone up to date I should just start blogging. That way I'm current with all of you and you can post me advice and messages along the well. Let's be honest - I'm a huge dork when it comes to relationships.

So a few ground rules. This is going to be my goings on so it might not be funny/cute/sad/hilarious, etc. (ie. it may be boring - sorry!). I promise I will try and be totally current and up-to-date on posts. I will be honest (please just don't share this with my mother yet or your mother - I know many of your mothers). And I will change the names to protect the innocent and name all the guilty (aka. my friends - because they love me anyway).

So here we go. FYI - over the next couple of days, I will backfill what's been going on for the past 2 weeks and how I got to this point.

Love, Miss S