Friday, March 25, 2011

We May Have the Beginning of a "Stage Five Clinger"

So to continue the saga of 3 dates in 3 days, it's time to talk about date 3 which was just 5 nights ago (Monday night).

I didn't really know much about this guy. His match subscription was ending just after we started talking but he seemed cool and wanted to go to happy hour even if we just decided we were better suited as friends. So we only exchanged an email or two and then decided to meet up for dinner on Monday night. He picked the restaurant - an Italian place in Potomac (I'd heard of it but never been there). Not very happy hour-esque, but anyway.

So off I went. I couldn't tell what ethnicity he was, but upon meeting him I discover that he is Indian. Grew up in the Midwest and now works in DC after a long school career (multiple degrees). He had a nerdy vibe (which didn't bother me, but it can go either strong silent nerdy or pathetic sad nerdy.)

And about 20 minutes (or maybe less), I can tell that I am not attracted to him. And here's what really sealed it for me - he talked about what a bad experience online dating has been and how he just can't meet a nice girl or any friends who are women in DC for that matter. And he went on about it for about 5-10 minutes.

I'm sorry, but that is so unattractive to me. It just makes you look pathetic. Don't tell me some sad sack story about how you meet all these crazy girls who aren't what you are looking for and you are just a hopeless romantic, and want to cuddle...blah blah blah. GIRLS DON'T LIKE THAT! They don't want to hear how pathetic you are. Men are men - they are strong and confident even when they aren't. Believe me, I work with mostly men - I've watched all of them BS about something. I'm just looking for some positive spin. So you haven't met the right girl, so online dating is coming up with all the wrong girls, you can't somehow spin that in at least a neutral way. Don't go on and on into some sob story or spin it as a hopeless romantic story. It's not attractive.

Ok, now I'm getting off my soapbox to tell you about the rest of the date. Dinner was good. We had a nice meal and some wine. The restaurant was closing (we weren't the last ones to leave) so I took the rest of my pasta to go and we walked out to the parking lot to our cars. Quick chat and we go for what I think is the first date hug. But no - the hug ends and I'm trying to back up and he's got a grip on my arms. Before I can react, he goes in for the kiss. WHAT!? Just a small peck. OK...phew. But the grip is still there. This time, I get all tense, trying to move my face away from his - side to side, but still the iron grip. One more kiss - this one feels like slow-mo. I'm thinking seriously - you can't feel me tensing up and trying to avoid you. Red flags/alarm bells going off in my head, but in the end, I just had to let him kiss me again if this was going to end. Nothing in those kisses - no spark. I'm released. I quickly lunge for the door of my car and get in.

So why do I think I have the beginning of a "Stage Five Clinger" (who knows what movie that is from?)? Because I have gotten at least one text from him every day since I saw him. It's like he can't let me go. I saw it in his eyes and it looks alittle creepy. He asked me to go out on Friday a few days ago, but luckily I had possible plans.

I think he's going to have to be thinned from the herd. I had already made my decision to just be friends with him while still on the date. He sounded like he needed dating advice, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I'm alittle afraid to call him up and tell him I don't want to see him again. I feel like he's either going to yell or cry. So just avoiding the inevitable for now.

One last random thought on C:

He said to me that he wants to go to Italy. And I said, "Just go. Go as your next vacation." And he says to me, "well I want to go with someone special. I want it to be romantic". I'm thinking oh good God. I tell him "it's not as romantic as you think. You should just go. You don't want to wait for that woman to come along. I went with my sister." Who says that?

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