In love with love

When I started this whole thing over 2 weeks ago, a thought crossed my mind. Am I just failing in love with the idea of being in love? At the time, I told myself maybe, but I'm going to plow ahead anyway. But the more I think about it, I think it's true. You can fall in love with being in love.

I've seen it myself with women I know. I've seen women stay in relationships that they know won't work because they just want to be in love and have that comfort of being in a relationship. I've felt it too. How comfortable it is to have someone to just make plans with one person and have them there and do couple activities. To have him there to cuddle with on the sofa or take you out to dinner on Friday night. Or just flirt with on the phone.

But in your gut, you know this not the guy I dream about at night. This is the guy that's there - Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. Now no guy is perfect (no girl is perfect either) so how do you know if you are in love with the person sitting across from you or the idea of just having a person sitting across from you?

I'm not sure. I'm struggling with this right now. It almost feels like the first guy I seriously date is like a rebound guy. It's just timing - he's there at the right time, but it's not going to end up being anything real. And maybe there is more to it - maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there, or are there and I just don't want to give up (or know how to). My emotions are swirling right now about A.

Am I in love with the feeling of a relationship or is this really what's it is really like? (Or am I being a shallow witch?)