Friday, April 22, 2011

Breaking up is hard to do...

So I did it again. I sent an email to a guy who I've been on and off emailing with on Match. I lied and told him I was pursuing another relationship and so I didn't think we should continue chatting. Ugh! I lied. I hate lying. But the poor guy sent me an email that he was still interested. And I was definitely not interested.

The funny thing is when it came to responding to an email from a pudgy male administrative assistant (who like puppies and cooking and who knows what else), I couldn't tell him I wasn't interested. (His profile reads "Mama's boy" - I'm sorry! That's mean.) I think because I hadn't even given the poor guy a chance. So I am just procrastinating....a feel so bad at not giving him a chance.

Since my last posts about my break-up strategy, I've heard some interesting takes and stories on break-ups.

A co-worker told me that she never breaks up with a guy. She always waits and lets him break up with her. As she was telling me this, all I could think is why wouldn't you want to move on. Why wait? Maybe there is something better out there. But I can kind of see it now...(sort of).

The one that really threw me was from a guy acquaintance. He told Jenn and I that he broke up with a girlfriend because he knew that she was miserable. I just kept asking him how he knew she was miserable. It just didn't make sense. Why would you break up with someone because they were unhappy (not you)? And how would you know?

But this one makes me think of something my therapist said to me this week, "Independence is easy, vulnerability is hard". I think that is totally true for me. I've struggled with that for a long time - am I too independent? Maybe, but it's part of who I am. But so is vulnerability. I'm more vulnerable than I show to others. I just need to work on showing more of it - to everyone.

Happy Easter everyone!

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