Friday, May 20, 2011

When to raise the white flag

The cold that was getting better yesterday has now gotten what was going to be a nice and sweet meandering post yesterday has turned into a blunt tell-it-like it is post today.
(Don't worry - different topics. So maybe tomorrow's post will be sweet and meandering.)

I've kind of used a rule of thumb based on talking to guys around me, reading articles, and talking to friends that a guy gets a three day grace period to contact you after a date to show interest. It's not a hard and fast rule, but as the days tick by, women do either one of two things. They either make up excuses for why he hasn't called (ie. what you see in romantic comedies - his dog died, he's been away on business, he had emergency surgery, etc. - you get it). Or they just write him off (no drunk dials, no crying fits, maybe a few choice words (usually the more dates there are). I fall into category 2. For whatever reason (you found a new shiny ball, your sense of time is totally whacked, you don't know the rules of the game), I'm OUT or FIRED (depending on what reality show you watch).

Women aren't as insecure anymore as Hollywood portrays them to be. We all read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" (Caveat: I started to, but never finished. I got it in the first few chapters and then they kept repeating the idea). If you're not paying attention to us, you have got something else on the brain. Ok - we're not that dumb. We know that you aren't going to call us immediately, but by day 3, I should have somehow been repeated in your line of thinking. It seems reasonable that you should at least make contact...or at least that's what we tell ourselves.

So back to reality, H hasn't contacted me since our date. I did text him on day 3 to give him a little nudge. And the conversation fell flat. Like he barely responded. So it's been a week since our date, and I've asked a few guys about this timeline and they all say it's time to raise the white flag and move on. But here's the catch. I talked to my friend a few days ago, who is knows him and she says he's still interested. OK? I recapped everything for her and said well when is he going to ask me out then? But of course, she had no response (I didn't expect her to).

So lessons have been learned...1) if you like a girl, don't wait more than 3 or 4 days to contact her even just to talk to her. And 2) being set-up or asked out by a friend of a friend is not as nerve-wracking as I thought it was going to be. Granted, both times it's happened they barely got of the ground (so maybe I dodged a bullet), but the great friends that I have seem to let the interaction play out on its own and that helps take the pressure off everyone involved.

It's bad enough that I totally put my dating life out there for everyone to read but there is something unnerving about having your friends get feedback from the guys. But the way I look at it, the feedback (good or bad) on me will just get me closer to my goal and better at this crazy thing called dating.

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