I've held it in too long

I've held in my feelings for a long time about this, but something just put me over the edge today.

Can we talk about the eHarmony commercials? The happy couples who are laughing and hugging about how easy it was that they met each other on eHarmony. Well now it's morphed into a single guy who only just got on eHarmony and he's only had one date. This is the line that kills me, "By the time this airs, I'll probably have met someone special."

Seriously! Seriously! Every time I see these commercials I want to throw up. It's false advertising. Their system is no better at matching you than any of the other sites out there. I don't know anyone who has used internet dating sites who met their boyfriend/girlfriend in 2 dates.

Yes, these people probably met each other on the website. But do you really think you are reaching single people with these commercials? No. I'm telling you eHarmony. You aren't.

And then when you send me my matches, I've noticed that it's pretty much all in the same category: single dads age 40 and above. That's at least 7 years older than I am. Is there no guy out there closer to my age that would be a match? This seems very suspicious. I'll play your little game and talk to a few of them.

So you know what eHarmony...you are on probation. I'm watching you. You better shape up or I'm shipping out.

What's been going on....

In my hiatus, I have been very busy. I want to give a special congratulations to my reader Carrie and her new husband, Matt. They had beautiful wedding in early October. The pictures are amazing, but that's what you get when the bride is an art director and partner in a design firm. Those lucky ducks are on their way back from 10 days in Kauai. Awful people!!! The pictures are terrible...

Anyway, I wanted to share their story to illustrate the point that love can find you anywhere. They met at a WordCamp, which is an event put on throughout the world to bring Word Press users together. Anyway, they started tweeting one another. And they tweeted and tweeted. I happened to be travelling with her in Amsterdam that June shortly after they met. And I could see how excited she was every time she got a tweet from him. I had to pry her away from the phone sometimes to go out and see the sights. I remember telling her to go for it with this guy. I could just tell something was different. She was so excited. Even if it didn't work work out, it was worth the time and effort. She was so smitten. And evidently so was he. After we came back, they had a real date and the rest was history. A year later, they were engaged. And now they are married.

So congratulations! Enjoy the ride!

Homework

Yes, I'm assigning homework. I wanted to assign it over the weekend, but it didn't happen. I haven't even prepped for the homework. So this is going to force us both. (Full disclosure: I have started the homework - I just need to finish it.)

So read this article. It's interesting. And we'll discuss in a day or two.

All the Single Ladies - The Atlantic

Awkward Coincidence

I had to share this funny story told to me by a new contributor (hopefully), Miss Indy. She has some equally fun adventures in dating.

Recently, she went out with a guy she met on an internet dating website. He had a very upbeat, smiling, happy profile on the site. So they talked and decided to go out.

When she meets him, he looks very down. Where was this happy guy? She was confused, but he didn't say anything so the date went on. Dinner was eaten and a movie was the activity post-dinner. She said she suggested the movie "Moneyball", but I guess he wasn't feeling it. So she said that she heard the movie "50/50" was funny. He decided on "50/50" and off they went.

So they talk a few days later/go out and he's back to his happy self. They start to talk about the last date and he says to her, "I'm sorry if I was not myself. My best friend just died from cancer. In fact, he died the day before we went out. I didn't realize how serious it was and I was upset that I didn't do more for my friend while he was sick".

What do you say to that? You went on a date with the guy who just lost a friend to a cancer to a buddy movie about cancer. Not that it was her fault, but the coincidence is laughable and awkward. Poor Miss Indy. And these are the crazy trials of dating.

Sleeping Beauty Awakens...

Sometimes the days fly by and the weeks go on and before you know it the month is coming to the close when you swear it was just beginning. It's like you are Sleeping Beauty and you have just awaken from a deep sleep.

I am Sleeping Beauty. A number of personal and professional obligations (some expected and others very unexpected) have come up through the last few weeks and it has kept me from my blog and my dating adventure.

But I am happy to announce that I am back. I'm going to work hard and get this back on track. I was inspired and scared when I went to dinner last night with a friend and observed a first date going on next to us. I really wanted to interview them. It wasn't going very well. They were both older. They split the check...Oh!! The trials and tribulations begin again.

Recovering...

I'm recovering from my duties as a bridesmaid. It didn't really seem that tiring when I was doing it this past weekend, but switching gears back into the real world has thrown me for a loop.

Thank you everyone for your comments on my tipsy rant on my ballbusting problem. I'm glad you all liked it. I read a few of your emails with one eye open. I'm not exactly ready to face the music.

Maybe I should write a few more posts with a few glasses of wine in me. On a funny note, the guy I was ballbusting on that night was actually smacked in the balls the following night! And not by me! I just happened to witness it (pure luck or need for another vodka and soda). And not by a girl - but by a drunk guy friend of ours. It looked like it killed...I felt really bad for him. See my ball busting not so bad.

I have a bunch of ideas brewing around. Not alot of exciting date prospects but based on discussions, a few of us are in that boat. What's up with that?? And basically I've come to the conclusion that Mr. Right is going to find you when and where he is going to find you. But then what do I do? Do I search for him in every encounter (until I look like a crazy detective)? Or do I just play the passive card (and do nothing and hope I'm just hit that bolt of recognition)?

I wish someone would answer the last question.

Mawwriage is what brings us together today

This is going to be a quickie because I only have 15 minutes before I have to start loading up my car, change back into my PJs, and head over to the bride's parents house to meet up with everyone for hair and makeup.

I want to wish a huge best wishes to two of my readers who are marrying each other this afternoon. (I'll be bridesmaid #3 - look for me!) Jenn and Greg met several years ago and I knew from the beginning that at least this guy was going to be good for Jenn. Hey - I can't see the future - I didn't know they were going to get married back then.

He was treating her the way a girlfriend should be treated. I didn't know then, but I know now that they are right for each other. They complement each other. Jenn - If you think back to just before you met Greg, I don't think you ever thought that this would be happening, but Greg came into your life and everything changed.

So I just wanted to give a good luck, best wishes, I love you to the happy couple.

On a sidenote, I am going to the wedding solo. I'll post about it later...it's an art.

I'm Tipsy and Mistakes were made

If this post doesn't make sense, you can blame Nicholas Cage, the Pioneer Woman, coozies, Bud Light, red wine, Super Target, and everything else that is running through my mind and distracting me this evening.

Let me set the scene. It's 10:00 PM at night. I'm laying in a hotel room in middle of nowhere important Virginia. (it's a Hampton Inn - I love them - free WiFi, hot breakfast - what more could a girl want). Tomorrow I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's (and loyal readers') wedding. I just bought bottles of sparkling wine and juice for tomorrow morning. I think the girls that told me to do were tipsy.

So I've come to the realization that sometimes when I drink I get a slight case of oral diarrhea. And I can't spell the word diarrhea. Anyway, I say things I shouldn't sometimes...they just come tumbling out. It gets other people in trouble. I do it to one up the guy. I do it because I'm a ballbuster (sometimes). There I admitted it....sometimes, I am a ballbuster.

And you know what. It's not good. Guys don't like ballbusters. It's uncool. I suddenly turn into the uncool girl. I can control it when I'm sober, but tipsy forget it. I don't know what came over me. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut tomorrow. That's what I'm going to do. I want to be the cool fun girl, not the ballbuster.

Thanks guys. I'm going to bed now before I house the homemade chocolate chip cookies that are sitting on the desk across from me. Another side effect of a few too many adult beverages.

Thanks for listening. I have no great solutions...but the problem has reared its ugly head again.

Help Needed

I promise this won't be the only post this week, but I need some feedback from you. I need to know what some of your favorite blog posts are so far.

These blog posts are like my children. I put them out there in the world and I'm not really sure which ones will float and which ones will sink. But I'm curious to know which ones you like.

So leave me a comment and let me know which ones you like! Everyone that lets me know will become my favorite readers.

Life is a Marathon not a Sprint right?

That's what they say, right? Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Why does it feel sometimes that we are all rushing towards the finish line? Me included.

Lately, I've been feeling the pressure that I am not going to reach my goal of a husband and a family. There is nothing that really triggered this or is causing this. Well that's a lie - but it's a combination of things. It's all in my head. All me, baby!

Anyway, that's for me to deal with and you to just know about.

One exciting thing that is going on for me and making me busier than ever is running. I've completed 1 half marathon on September 11th. I was 1 minute off my goal time, but I'm still very pleased. I would have never guessed that I could have run that fast for that long. I have 2 more half marathons to run before Christmas. So I hope to lose that 1 minute.

Also, I spent last weekend in class, taking a training course on coaching long-distance running. Soon, I'll have my certification in that as well. Running and exercise is a real passion of mine, and I have to admit that I do contribute on other blogs on running/fitness/weight loss in my real name... Unfortunately right now, I won't be able to reveal these posts to you...

I Don't Know What to Say

I feel like every other post on this blog these days is a "please forgive me for being a bad blogger". My days are just super full (they actually expect me to get work done at work!) I have been on Match.com since I last posted!! Yeah!! I can't say I'm super excited about any of the guys that are messaging me, but we'll see.

There are definitely not any guys coming to my house trying to date me. I did try to flirt with the three repairmen that came on Friday. One was married (I don't know about the other two) and asked me if my boyfriend or husband could reattach the cover to my furnace. It was very sexist. And what did I do?

I made up a boyfriend. he was a office working piece of s who can't fix anything. This way the repair guy would just tell me how I could do it (which I did - all by myself). But it's probably the truth. My Dad can't fix anything. And I knew my Mom would yell at me if I admitted to the repair guy I lived alone. She wanted my Dad to come over while he was there. I swear she watches way too much "Dateline" or "Primetime" or whatever show Chris Hansen is catching predators on. I had more freedom as a teenager than I do now in my 30's.

Anyway, I guess I just needed a good rant about my annoying need for a fake boyfriend. I'm super busy right now, but wedding season is kicking up into full gear in the very near future. I promise I will post 5 times a week for the rest of the month.

Also, if anyone knows a good dream interpreter, let me know. I had the weirdest dream the other night - like woke me up it was so disturbing. It was disturbing because I was stuck with no way out (of a bodega in the projects with a old Asian lady and my friend Amy). Scary, no? Also included very realistic gang violence (according to the movies - I don't spend a ton of time in the projects - thanks to my Mom, Chris Hansen's biggest fan).

Isn't Ironic? According to Alanis, it is.

Just like song, it's not really ironic. More of a coincidence.

Last night I checked on my Match.com accounts. Of course only one had emailed me back. Awesome! But you have to start somewhere. (Match.com tip from their social media guy: The more active you are on the site, the more you come up in different guys' searches. I knew it!)

Anyway, I just brushed it off and looked at my new matches. Some were nice and I sent them witty a couple liners to check me out. Some looked too pretty. I got scared and marked them as maybes.

And then I came to my Super Duper Match (really called the Singled Out Match of the Day), guess who it was. Yes, it was someone I had already dated. It was G, who I went on one date with back in May. A date I almost left because it became so ridiculous. Poor G. He's still out there looking for the one. And he still has hair in his profile picture and none in real life.

I did reject G this time. I knew it was going nowhere so why start up that conversation again.

Still haven't figured out my eHarmony password, but I'm trying to work speed dating into the schedule. Give it a whirl, tell you how it goes.

The Dating Game - Summary Version

I was going to do another installment of "The Dating Game" as I actually got on Match.com today and sent out a bunch of winks and messages (and all that other stuff). The prospects were good. Maybe babies are back from the summer finally. Maybe now that I've been in touch with the social media guy at Match.com he's throwing some good ones my way.

So you say...what happened? Why no descriptions of these hotty fatotties? Well my friends, my water heater decided to drain itself slowly at some point over the long weekend - all over the closet and the hallway. Yeah! And I discovered it this morning after I did my work on Match.com but before I could write a post. Has this ever happened to you? Non? Count yourself lucky. The carpet is so moist (sopping) and now has weird stains on it. And now I don't have hot water for 4-5 days.

Anyway, this post is being derailed. So I sent messages to about 6 guys. Also, I got some pictures taken today by a photographer. It's time to update the Match.com profile photos. And I'm excited. And I can't remember my eHarmony password.

So you are getting a quick summary of "The Dating Game". I'm just going to give you a quick description - 1 sentence.

Bachelor #1 - He winked at me a few days ago. Not usually my type but he has alot of pictures of him playing rugby or football. Looks good. He's emailed me today.

I sent a message or wink to all of these guys...

Bachelor #2 - He's an Eagles fan. I know. What am I thinking, but I sent him a cute message anyway. He was the top match per Match.com.

Bachelor #3 - Midwestern guy - lived all over the world. Now is in DC. You know me, I like wholesome.

Bachelor #4 - Scruffy facial hair guy. He's got a cute face. That's all I remember. And he had a funny comment about puncutation.

Bachelor #5 - Volunteer Football coach, good looking Hispanic guy, already rejected me :(

Bachelor #6 - Don't even remember anything about him, now that I see his picture. But he must have had a good profile because I winked at him.

Bachelor #7 - His picture made him look like he worked in a hotel, but he has a kind face.

Bachelor #8 - His first picture looked douchey, but he also had a picture of him at Sonic. And that was enough to get a message from me.

Wow! Eight guys. That's not bad. I must have been inspired by "Most Eligible Dallas" since it was on. I'll just have to keep watching it while internet dating. It makes me very chatty!

Blogger's Regret...

I'm imaging that last night's post has stirred alot of questions in my reader's mind. There has been a question or two emailed to me. In fact a few of you have said to be before, you should date Jonathan.

(Side note: I'm totally regretting using his real name as of this morning. Getting that total walk of shame feeling, especially based on what I am about to write. So I'm going back and changing his name. I think I'll call him...Don Juan. Remember that people!)

There are several reasons why I should not date Don Juan. The biggest and main reason is that we are not at the same stage in our lives. He wants to go out every other night to the clubs and meet as many girls in as many cities as possible. And I do not. He thinks that in a few years when a few years past 30 (the age in which he considers his life to be over and in need of a walker and Depends. I'm serious - he's told me this for years) he'll be ready to settle down with a hot modelesque wife and have a few kids.

If I still haven't convinced you, let me share with you his weekend plans. I feel that they will seal the deal. This weekend, he is going to NYC to meet up with an actress (who he previously met at a club in LA) who does not have any nudity clauses in her film contracts. She has a prolific film career in a certain genre of films where story lines are not very important and aliases are used by most actors and actresses. Do you catch my drift? He's going to accompany her as her assistant to an industry event and party it up. He hopes to be come very acquainted with some of her friends.

And this is prime example of why I say we will not be dating. He's like my little brother and truly I enjoy it that way.

Those three little words...

Those three little words. For me, it was really hard to say them for awhile, but it's gotten much easier. They always make you stop in your tracks when you hear them. There's magic in those three little words.

I already told you how I told my personal trainer, Don Juan, that I loved him one very sleepy morning. It just popped out. I've been holding on to a secret for several weeks. He actually told me that he loved me several weeks ago, but it's not what you think. Let me set the scene.

I have access to good seats to the local major league baseball team. Jonathan played baseball in his youth and at the collegiate level. I try to get him tickets at least once every season. He asked me to get him seats to a specific game. I was able to get him those tickets for him. So I texted him and told him to meet me in the lobby of his building (it's next to mine) to give him the tickets.

It's so weird sometimes to see someone in a different context than you normally see them. We hugged and started talking, but there was something awkward in our conversation. I couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe it was the hug. We don't normally hug, but I've hugged him before. Anyway, we just nervously chatting and all the sudden, he said, "I love you." My brain just stopped for a second. Did I just hear what I think I heard? There was a pause all around. I think we were both shocked by the admission. But then he just kept going. The subject might have even changed. It felt more comfortable. The tension was gone. The moment was over. But it was a flat-out "I love you", not a "I love you for doing this".

Let me tell you. No matter who says it or when they say it, there is always a little magic in those three little words.

Slow Turnover

Don't you hate it when you go to start a blog post and you get called into a meeting.

Really, I don't usually blog at work (other than to read and approve comments), but I'm feeling so guilty about the slowness of my posts. I'm finally back from 3 weeks of non-stop travelling and spotty internet coverage, but I'm having the hardest time finding time to put my ideas on paper into ideas on the internet. I guess I was used to being on the road.

I wanted to bring to everyone's attention an awesome class/self-study opportunity that is starting soon. Registration just opened today. As I said in my life list post, I had the good luck of signing up for an all day workshop given by the blogger Karen Walrond (@Chookooloonks) about life transitions (starting one, exercises for thinking about your direction, and documenting it). Karen has turned our one day workshop into a 5 week online/self study course. As someone who has been transitioning in her life and still is, I found the workshop so helpful.

Here is the link:

Chookooloonks Pathfinder Course

If you have any questions, let me know.

Something different - a new list

I added a new page to the blog. It's my life list. It's a list of things I'd like to do in my life. But I'm not going to feel bad about not accomplishing everything on the list. It's not a bucket list. It's a list of things I want to do in order to live life. A list to take the bull by the horns every once in awhile instead of just living life as it comes all the time.

I want to try and get to around 100 items on the list. So I'll let you know as I add to the list or accomplish a task.

I suggest you trying to do the list as well. It's really actually exciting to figure out what cool things you've already done as well as figure out what you'd like to accomplish.

Quick blogger's note

There will be some changes to the blog in the next couple of weeks. I went to a huge women in blogging and social media conference last week in California and got lots of good info/tips/ideas for my blog. Some I've already started implementing. Some I'll be working on amid sleep (I took the red eye back last night), duties as a new aunt (born 11 days early while I was in CA), and bridesmaid duties (back-to-back bachelorette party weekends out of town).

So I thank you in advance for your patience, dedication, and love. I'll be asking for feedback so let me know what you think. An silence will be judging as undying approval.

Peace!

A New Pick-up Line

The art of the pick-up line is just that an art. There have been TV shows made, articles written, and many a conversation had about what works and what does not. Well, I have discovered a new pick-up line. A new way to get what you need.

In the evening at the conference, there are parties galore. There are huge public parties that are sponsored by the conference and then there are smaller private parties. I was lucky to get invites to three private parties. I made sure on the first night to make it out the single bloggers party. These were my people; this was my tribe.

The single blogger party was being thrown at the nightclub Float at the Hard Rock Hotel San Diego. I had on a hot new cocktail dress. The party was fun and chic. I talked and drank until the party ended. As I was leaving, I struck up a conversation with a promoter at the front door of the club. Don’t ask me how or why, but I found myself chatting with him. I think it had to do with the swag bag I had in my hand. I was going through the bag telling him about what was in it, and proceeded to pull out the packages of condoms that I had gotten at another party. And you can well imagine (and what I wasn’t grasping at the time) he was thinking I was DTF. That’s a Jersey Short reference if you don’t know what DTF is. Google it. He says, “What’s your number?” I start to give it to him, knowing full well that I am totally giving him a fake number. I’m slightly intoxicated but not drunk. I’m going back to my hotel and going to bed. I’m not hooking up with a club promoter hours from now. So I start to leave when he gets distracted while getting my number, but he calls me back and I finish giving him my fake number. I feel bad for whoever has that number, but a girl’s got to do what a girl has got to do.

While I’m flattered he wanted my number, I think it had more to do with my intoxication and my condoms. So if you are DTF and need a partner, start pulling condoms out in conversations and I’m sure you’ll get what you want.

Yes, I’m still wondering what I was thinking that night.

How we met - A Marine and a small town girl

Let's start with the latest story that I've been told. It's about a young Marine and a small town girl.

This young marine was drafted into the service in the early 1970's and sent to Vietnam. He didn't stay long in Vietnam and was shipped back to the southern California coast. Eventually, he was re-posted to Quantico Marine Base. The young marine was from Richmond, VA (small world!). He ended up going to visit a childhood friend and the friend's parents down in Lexington, NC. The father of his friend was the pastor of his hometown church. While down in North Carolina, he met a beautiful young woman who lived a block away from the pastor's family. There was just something about her. He couldn't stop thinking about her when he wasn't with her. He only had a motorcycle at the time, but he found himself driving every available weekend down to see her (no matter rain, wind, or cold). He just had so much fun with her. Six months after meeting her, she would become his wife. And off they rode into the sunset in their newly purchased car - to the west coast in Oceanside, California.

Thanks to Bill for the beautiful story and answering all my questions.

How we met...a new feature!

So I had a inspiration while I was hoofing it through the airport today. I often ask married people how they met their significant other. I ask just to give myself ideas about how to meet men and what to look for...

I happened to strike up a conversation with the nice older gentleman that sat in the seat next to me on the plane. It came up as I was getting settled in my seat that I was on my way to San Diego to attend a blogging conference. And once he heard what my blog was about, he wanted to know all about it.

So as part of our 5 hour long conversation, I asked him how he met his wife of 40 years and he told me the story.

I may ask each of you and strangers your story of how you met the "one". It will be fun and hopefully remind you of the excitement of those first days!

Happy News!

Congratulations to my lovely reader, Katie, and her new fiancee, Rick!!! Big news last night as I was packing up my stuff to my trip!

I'd add a picture of the ring here, but I can't figure it out...Boo!

So very excited and happy for you guys! Now the fun beginning! Many best wishes!

(Is that English? Many best wishes?)

Sunny San Diego

It's 1 PM here in sunny San Diego. I've been up since 4 AM EDT - so almost 12 hours. It's beautiful out and it's taking everything I've got not to throw on my bathing suit and run out to the pool. I'm out here in San Diego to attend a social media/blogging conference for WOMEN. I know, I know. What am I thinking? But I just wanted to investigate more about this blogging stuff by taking vacation days from my real job. I don't really fall into the model audience here, but we'll see. I'm going to a happy hour sponsored by the sex toys purveyor, Babeland, and a party at the Hard Rock Hotel for single bloggers so at least there is more that just me. Maybe some of you will be special enough to get some souvenirs! MWAH! HA! HA!

I know I've been lax in my posting so I'm going to be really good and catch you up with a multitude of posts. Isn't that what vacations are for?

Sometimes You Can't Escape Your Past

Two weekends ago, I had my mom over to my house on a Saturday afternoon for Starbucks. Homegirl loves a white chocolate mocha with all the fixings - even in the heart of summer - and drunk through a straw. I owed her a Starbucks and I was craving an Iced Mocha (it's my new fav - ok really I only drink 3 drinks there.)

So we were drinking our beverages and lounging in my living room. And she's telling me about going to the local running store to get some new shoes. I had forgotten I had told her to go there instead of the place two towns over.

She tells me this creepy guy waited on her at the store. She said he was really weird. I immediately knew who she was talking about. I asked her a few questions about his appearance to verify, but I was right. She was talking about my boyfriend from senior year of high school. Yeah!!! It makes me so proud. My senior year boyfriend is the creepy guy that works at the running store in my hometown.

Somehow every time I go in there, he eventually waits on me. I may rush over to someone else and ask them questions. They get the product, but when I get up to the counter, they always pass me off to him. He just has this weird stare. He keeps staring at you, and evidently he did it to my mom as well. The best part is he acts like we know each other but just as old co-workers/acquaintances (that's how we met - at our teenage workplace, not school).

So my poor mother is evidently receiving the creepy treatment. I told her just to go back to the other running store. It's cheaper anyway. And I'll be shopping there as well. So much for supporting my hometown mom and pop running shop!

Note - The other running store is also a mom and pop - just not in our town.

Note - This was the same guy that also ran into my sister and her friend in a bookstore while I was a junior or senior in college. He proceeded to tell her how he didn't understand why I wouldn't make out with him at his church youth group bonfire. She was like "ok" and crept away from the creepy guy. What was I thinking?? Sorry that I didn't feel it was appropriate to mug down with you in front of your church youth group! Clearly, we're not meant to be.

Marriage Question...When to say yes? When to quit?

I have been in a few weddings. In fact before I wrote this post, I was taking pictures of the gold shoes that I'm going to wear in Greg and Jenn's wedding in 60 days as a bridesmaid. I actually had to buy them for another wedding that I was a bridesmaid in a few years ago. I'm gearing up for several weekends in August of bachelorette parties. So excited!

But that's not what I wanted to write about. Well sort of. In the last two weeks, I've had two conversations about divorces or separations. Luckily, none of the weddings that I have been in have been in that category. Last night, a friend told me that some mutual acquaintances of ours (old work colleagues) who had married each other were now separated after three years of marriage. This is not the first time this has happened. Two other couples I am acquainted with also got divorced after 2 or 3 years of marriage. All of these people were married and divorced before 35 - some before 30. The wife told my friend that she and her husband are just better as friends than as a married couple. And I started thinking...what does that mean?

Having never been married, I don't know all that it takes to be married or stayed married. But how do you know that it's right to jump into a marriage? And how do you know to when to call it quits? Do you just get caught up in the excitement of love and a wedding? Will I make the right decision when that moment comes knocking on my door?

I'm not the only one who has seen these situations. My sister was in a wedding that is now a divorced couple. Even my cousin who is only 26 has friends who are married for about a year and now divorced.

I'm sure none of these people went into this thinking they were going to get a divorce. I'm sure tears were shed and words said in anger. So what happened? I know I'll never know the answer. Each situation is different. But as a single person looking for love, it scares me all the same. I don't want to be in that boat. And I know they don't want to be either...

A Betting Woman

On Thursday night, I volunteer at the USO lounge. I've already discussed the crush one of the other volunteers has on me. Ugh! He's so disappointed that I'm going to miss our next volunteering shift together.

Around 8:30 the lounge got dead. There was one poor guy left, but everyone else had meandered over through security to the gates. So my boss started asking me about my dating and my blog. And so we started our brainstorming session. Where else can you go to find guys besides internet dating sites? It's not that I hate them, but sometimes you just need to cover a few more bases.

So here was the list:

1. Country bars (from my crush) - evidently his daughter picks up men there. He doesn't really like any of them. They just work jobs he says - just getting by - no careers.

2. Running clubs - over 50% of people that run are woman and the % is going up. Tried this route - lots of ladies or older men. Only a few eligible men.

3. Church - ugh! that has always been my mother's suggestion. That's where my parents met - a church single's event. You know how that goes - you never want to admit your parents are right. I did try the Catholic dating site. So I sort of tried that.

4. Kickball/Softball leagues - I almost joined one a few years ago, but I chickened out. I didn't want to do it alone and then my friend couldn't do it. I know people who have met their spouse that way. And I have an old co-worker who is still single and plays in the leagues. So it's a possibility. I haven't played softball since the 6th grade so I'll need some practice...

5. POKER games! - I almost died when my boss said this. I know how to play poker. I'm not half bad, but I get tired and give up after a few hours. He plays all the time. He's like yeah - it's a captive audience of men. Half the table folds on average and so they need someone to talk to while the hand is still going on. I've played in a few poker tournaments and the guys don't enjoy it if you take them out (which I have done!!), but he says it's all good.

So it looks like I need to find myself some poker tournaments to enter...maybe that I could get good enough to make it my next career...(just kidding - like I said I get tired...tournaments go on forever!)

Easily Distracted Much?

Easily distracted much? I am as of late. I don't know where the hours in the day go other than before I know it it's time for bed. Because lately I've been getting up some time between the hours of 4 and 5 AM!!!!! It started out this month as Saturdays. I added Fridays for spinning class at 6 AM. And now this week it's been, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday! I slept in until 7 today and I was late to everything this AM. It's disgusting...I blame the heat.

Seriously, I find every excuse not to get on internet dating. I think I just needed a vacation. A vacation from dating. The last couple adventures were just that adventures. And there really hasn't been anyone to catch my eye on the sites. I think it's a function of summer. Nobody wants to try to get tied down in the summer. There's too much going on. Winter on the other hand...who doesn't want to hibernate in a pair of warm arms?

OK, see aren't you distracted? I've just recounted the theme of John Mayer's song, "St. Patrick's Day". And I'm daydreaming about shopping (I spent the last 2 evenings at Nordstrom looking for a cocktail dress for an upcoming event - more tomorrow!).

But I know, I know. You don't want to hear excuses about why I'm not dating. I know they are sad and pathetic. I really think I just need to find a new third way to meet guys...so any ideas are welcome...

I've had a lot of girl time in my dating vacation. Don't worry I'm not turning lesbian, but I need to stop before I'm totally rusty at dating.

Don't bother getting up...

I swear I can't make this stuff up. This is a true tale of internet dating. My theory was correct (as soon as you send out a few feelers, guys start contacting you). I had a few new winks and emails on Match tonight when I logged in.

I rejected both of the winks. One lives in Delaware - too far from my home. The other looks just like a guy I fired about 4 years ago. It's not him, but I can't bear to date a guy that looks like him. It would be just too weird.

Now to the emails, there were 2 of those as well. The one guy was a guy I had emailed after our little game last week. And then there was a new guy and this is the message from him:

Hi there! My name is S******. I am from India working in DC area. I am too lazy to explain about me now. If I am the luckiest person, feel free to ask me anything about me.

You are too lazy to explain about yourself?? Really?? Well then, I'm sold. I want to go out with a really lazy guy who can't really be bothered to put in writing a sentence or two something about himself.

And there you go folks, I can't make this stuff up!

An Internet Minefield

I wrote many months ago that I had put profiles of myself on three different websites. Well really, I have 2 profiles on eHarmony due to a set up glitch. This extra profile might come in handy later so I have yet to remove it. So that really made a total of 4 profiles.

My profile on Catholic Match wasn't really giving me great results. I did find A on there but obviously that didn't work out. Since A, it has been no pickings on that site. Lots of guys that live far away from me and are just not what I am looking for. I received notice that my subscription was up at the end of June. I knew it wouldn't automatically renew because my credit card had changed. So I just ignored their renewal notices. And I thought they would just kick me off.

Oh, but no! They don't just kick you off. They just step you down to the free membership (You mean I could be doing this for free?!) Now, I'm just annoyed by their emails. They still send me profiles. In fact, I'm annoyed by all the dating websites' daily emails. Don't even get me started on the commercials!

So I logged on to the website tonight. Of course, there are no clear instructions on how to get off this ride. I try the account settings. Luckily, on the side there's a FAQs with one that says "You want to delete your profile?" Yes! Yes I do! A new window pops up but I don't see a button. No, it's just explanations on how you can keep your profile up there without paying and you'll regret this language. Believe me, I can handle any regret on this. And down at the bottom is a little sentence that says "Do you still want to delete your profile?" I click on it. Finally, a button on this new page to actually delete. I hit it. I'm FREE!

Don't worry, they save my profile and all my activity for 30 days if I want to reactivate them! They get you coming and going. I feel like it must be easier to get a divorce, but of course it is, this is a Catholic dating website.

Brain Freeze

I usually think about my posts during the day. Plan out a little outline or formulate the idea in my head over the few hours that I'm at work. And I had done that today...but then I got to my volunteering gig. And I suddenly have gone completely void of memory and thought. My mind is full of useless military jargon and acronyms. My real job has nothing to do with the military so it's not second nature to me.

So here I sit with nothing in my mind. I tried flipping though Elle and Cosmo but nothing hit the spot. I guess I could talk about my boyfriend here at volunteering. He's awesome. He has 2 daughters my age. I found out today he's just shy of 60. He's a new grandfather. He has invited me to his house once for a BBQ and yard work. And several weeks ago, he invited me to go on vacation to Myrtle Beach with his family. And he hugged me in the parking lot after our first shift (I don't enjoy hugging strangers, especially older men). So awkward....

My boss also volunteers with me from time to time and knows this guy. I told him about it a few weeks ago. He just started laughing. I was like, "Thanks!" He told me, "Nice boyfriend." As a friend tweeted a few days ago, why are the old guys always into me?

So now I dread when I work with him, but so far tonight he's been ok. He's a good volunteer. And as my boss tells people about why I'm volunteering here, it's to meet men!

White Lying

I'm a liar by omission. I'm terrible at out and out lying. Always have been. My family can call me out every time I lie. I have the easiest tells. Luckily, somehow that doesn't translate to the poker table.

I never told my family about my blog. I was going to tell my sister and brother-in-law. My brother could care less. When we talk, it's usually about him and he's incredibly busy. No really - he's an intern (as in Grey's Anatomy not Monica Lewinsky). He doesn't have time to read his big sis' blog. He doesn't even have time to eat half the time.

Anyway, I was going to tell my sister - even though she's a nosy Nellie (name that TV show reference?). But she got pregnant and witchy. She's actually better now that's she in the 3rd trimester but I'm having problems with courage.

Why do I have such a hard time telling my family about what I'm thinking or feeling? We are a close family, but maybe it is that we are used to seeing each other that we get bogged down in the day-to-day. I think it's more that I'm afraid of somehow disappointing them. I know how ridiculous that sounds.

So I almost came out with it on the 4th of July but somehow they didn't press me. But I need to tell them because it's going to come out when I see my cousin in San Diego later this summer. So it's better to come from me than her.

Wish me luck!

Let's Play a Game

I took the weekend off from dating. I had a million projects on my plate - some of which got finished. And I dread this part. You see I wasn't just talking to "I". I was sending out feelers and receiving them and I left a bunch of them hanging. So I feel guilty. And I also feel dread - dread of what's out there in the pool.

But I tried the sit at home and wait for him to knock on my door (figuratively that is), but that hasn't work so far...for the most part.

So I took a quick look at work yesterday at my Match account. And I was right to be alittle fearful....so I thought I'd play a game.

When I was a kid, there was a show called, "The Dating Game". It was the 70's/80's version of "The Bachelor"/"The Bachelorette". (I take that back - it was on from 1965 to 1996 - Wow!). Anyway, one bachelor or bachelorette got to ask questions to 3 contestants behind a screen and based on the answers, they picked one to go on a date with. Less involved than "The Bachelor".

So Match.com gives you 5 or 6 (still haven't figured all the categories of guys they sent you) guys a day to review, so I'm going to describe each one and my feelings about contacting them. Feel free to comment.

Bachelor #1 - Clean cut All-American looking preppy guy. Grew up in the suburbs, likes working out, plays in kickball/softball leagues, likes the beach (Dewey/Outer Banks) - I think I'll contact him. Guys tend not to like you if you message them, but you get more traffic if you are active (my unscientific Match.com theory).

Bachelor #2 - Middle-Eastern/white guy, Dark Hair, lives in the big city, Prefers girly girls who take care of themselves. I'm going to say no, because I hate my profile picture and he sounds alittle douche-y. You have to take care of yourself...why don't you say you only date models? I've heard that before but at least it was from a 26 year old.

Bachelor #3 - Alabama bred, Auburn educated, blue eyed cutie. Athletic, Looking to expand social circle, talks about having good manners and accent. He's my number 1 pick out of the three. He seems like he might actually respond back to me. But who knows what lies beneath? He doesn't give me a ton of details about himself, but that's not always a bad thing.

So Bachelor #3 wins, but I'm hedging my bets. So Bachelor #1 gets a shout out as well.

What do you think? Want to play again?

Chivalry? Do Some Men Never Learn or Do They Just Forget?

I grew up just south of the Mason-Dixon line. My parents are from above the line. Being polite and have good manners was very important in our house. My mother always threatened us growing up with a non-invite to the White House if we had bad table manners. (I finally said to her once at dinner when I was in high school, "Mom, we're never getting invited. The jig is up." We all had a good laugh.)

I went to school in Richmond, Virginia - the capital of the Confederacy. Being a small school, we ran amuck in the town. I learned to like grits, glide down "The Gone with the Wind" staircase in a floor-length white gown, and stay home on Sundays (everything was closed even the grocery store). I also learned to stop opening doors for myself - everywhere. I still remember how strange it was. From day one, my fellow 18 year old male classmates would reach around or rush ahead of you to grab the door as you came up on it. It continued all four years. I quickly came to expect it everywhere. I also came to expect to be helped out of cars and off the elevator first. It's not that I turned into a princess or a snob. It's just how it was. Chivalry and proper manners were alive and well. I gave every guy a smile and a thank you every time.

So flash forward to my bald friend from New Jersey. I said yesterday he and his two buddies were sitting on the same bench that I was sitting on. What I failed to mention was that there wasn't enough room for all of them and all of my party to sit on the bench. In fact, when I sat down on the empty part of the bench, Mr. Tall Guy with Glasses said to me, "Someone is sitting here" while he put his hands all over the empty spot between us. I didn't move - the space was big enough for a reasonable sized ass. He looked at me with this funny look like I can't believe you didn't move. (I wanted to stick my tongue out at him - I had maybe drunk a few Coors Lights at this point). My friend Ms. Lynn sat beside me and poor Ms. Amy had to stand. I'm thinking what a elementary school girl move, "Someone is sitting here." I hope that someone is at least a woman. (Even still is the rule is you give up your seat to a woman. And I as an able-bodied woman, give up my seat to the pregnant, infirmed, or elderly) But no, it wasn't. Bald guy came and plopped his butt down in the empty spot. We ladies were appalled...

We totally talked about after we left them. Who taught them manners? Or maybe they forgot? Or maybe it's a New Jersey thing?

I asked J. Ross about this and he told me that some guys just don't know. It's a tricky subject. Some woman want to be independent and seem strong. But he would always give up his seat for a woman (he's also the son of a preacher from Tennessee). And to save a seat for another man is totally weird all in itself. But his rule is if you expect chivalry, then you need to say it. And that seems to be the rule with dating; if you expect something, you need to communicate it.

And in the meantime, I'm totally going to point out bad manners. Yes, I will threaten people with non-invites to the White House. I'm totally turning into my mother!

Excuses, excuses

On Memorial Day weekend, I spent the day with some friends (Ms. Amy and Ms. Lynn) in a local waterside town. I wrote about a few fun incidents that happened while we were there, but I skipped over one story. My impromptu dating advice given at a local restaurant. It was an interesting conversation on many levels.

We were sitting on a bench on a dock waiting for a table at the best crabhouse ever. We were sharing it with three gentlemen in their 40's. We were having a conversation and they were having theirs. And then all the sudden, we were getting an "Excuse me. Can we ask you a question?"

So here are the details. The bald guy sitting next to me is a divorcee who has 2 kids that he gets every other weekend. He and his two friends are with about 8 boys who are down from New Jersey for a lacrosse tournament. The other two are married. They are all walking ads for rich middle-aged dads who live in the NYC suburbs. Got it?

Bald guy asked his buddy and across the street neighbor (tall guy with glasses) to set him up with a woman that also lives across the street. She is the next door neighbor to tall guy and his wife. Tall guy and wife have dinner party. Lady is there and bald guy. They hit it off. He walks her back to her house. And now he's asking us whether he should even ask the lady out.

We're like we don't understand the question. Do you not like her? Does she have a hairy lip? Does she smell? No, he likes her. There is nothing wrong with her. So I'm like "What's the problem? Why the dilemma? Ask her out."

His response, "Well what if I decide I don't want to be with her in a couple of months. What if she's not the one and I break it off and she goes psycho." I responded with a look of disbelief. Are you kidding me? That's a big what-if. I say to him, "What if she decides in date 2 that she doesn't want to date you? Seriously, that is a huge assumption. Has she given you any indication that she is mentally unstable?"

He answers that she doesn't appear to be mental unstable but he just won't shake the idea that she will somehow turn into Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" when and if he decides to break up with her in several months time. We go back and forth. I'm trying to prove to him how his idea could easily not hold water, but he and his friends are not convinced. Finally, for this woman's sanity, I tell him not to ask her out. She shouldn't have to be subjected to a guy who thinks she's too crazy to get into a relationship with before he even goes on a date with her. Thank goodness our beeper goes off and our table is ready. So we think it is the end.

But no, he finds us later at our table to ask again. He doesn't like my advice. Seriously, if you have to think about it this much, don't ask her out. You have already doomed the relationship before it even started. This will not end well.

Do guys really think women are psychotic when it comes to breakups? And so much so, that it's not worth the trouble of trying in the first place. I'm not convinced that was really this guy's problem, but even still, I'm scared. Is this what keeps guys from making moves and asking out women? I know I'm not crazy when it comes to break-ups. I just stop talking to them. The End. (Yes, I have been yelled at but I take it like a big girl.)

Does that make me abnormal? I'm sure there are some women that scream and wail at a breakup, but geez if you have to question asking out a woman on the off chance she is, I think you aren't ready to date or you are doing something wrong (like not communicating your feelings or sending the wrong signals).

Maybe it's a New Jersey thing? Maybe it has to do with how quickly we have sex in a dating relationship. Sex in a relationship can be a very big deal to women. It takes it to the next level. I suspect not so much the same for most men. Maybe I should have questioned bald guy about that...maybe he was having sex too soon. Maybe he was making promises he couldn't keep.

What causes women to snap when the relationship has gone south? And how can we get guys to not be afraid to ask us out because they are afraid we are going to go crazy?

My First Booty Text

I've been talking, thinking, running and cupcake baking. And again not blogging. And I've left you hanging from the craziest date to date.

I thought that the date last Monday ended pretty clearly for both of us. I understood what he ("I") wanted and I made it pretty clear that I wasn't going to give it to him. Or so I thought????

After wooing me with his old track pants and button down shirt while reclining across his couch while watching episodes of the Real Housewives, I thought I would never hear from him after my shooting him down at every turn. But the night after the date, I was sent a text at 10:45 PM. I didn't get this text until the next morning because I was already asleep. But do you know what it said? "Wanna come and cuddle?"....

Seriously??? Seriously??? When I read this, I just started laughing out loud. The last booty call I had received was in college. And that was before texting existed. So technically this was my first booty text. And it was evidently written by a 12 year old boy. Do I want to come over and cuddle? I understand what you are asking, but you think you could ask it in a more suave and adult way so that you sound like a man in your mid-30's. You didn't even use proper grammar. And you're such an idiot; if I wouldn't do it at your condo the night before, what makes you think I'm going to drive the 45 minutes to your house late at night to sprawl out on your green couch in track pants?

That was just the icing on the cake. My response was, "Huh? No, I'm good."

And that was the end of "I". Back into the dating pool now.

And the Oscar for Frigid Ice Queen goes to...

It feels good to be almost caught up with what's been going on. I say almost because every date has the day after and this one is a doozy. But we'll get to that tomorrow...

Now to the main event. My date on Monday night with "I". As some of you knew because you follow me on Twitter (or happened to be emailing me then), I received the address of "I"'s condo and had a little meltdown. I knew it was in a part of the city that was being re-gentrified, but actually, it was in a slightly different area farther from the Metro. In a no-man's land in a even more "up-and-coming" area that I had only driven through once in the last two years. Luckily, thanks to the arrival of the summer solstice, I had alot of daylight/dusk hours the day of our date and didn't really have to run around the neighborhood in the dark. But the fact that the neighborhood had just gotten its first sit-down restaurant didn't endear it to me.

So I find parking near by to his place and I go around to the front of his condo building. He meets me outside. He saw me come around the corner. He leads me back to his place. It's on the ground floor. It looks like a typical bachelor pad. It was just a one bedroom condo, but I do notice when I walk in and go to put my purse down on the couch that there are about 4 huge dust bunnies right in front of my feet. Right in the middle of the floor. Awesome impression! So we do the usual chatting thing, while he opens the wine. I notice that he doesn't take the foil off the wine before he puts the corkscrew in it. I don't say anything but can't help but smile when he struggled to get the cork out because he still has the foil on. Just looking at him I'm thinking I'm over this. I am just struck by my lack of attraction to him. Does that happen to anyone else? I feel like my attraction to a guy can just turn on and off. Maybe I'm weird like that?

Anyway, I'm thinking maybe we can turn it back on, but 2 things already strike me as off. And then I notice that he already has a glass of wine for himself. And it has ice cubes in it!!! Mind you, the wine he served me was cold (and delicious). But I thought that I was suddenly dining with an old Southern biddy. So still chatting while he finishes making dinner. Mind you the TV is on and it's pretty loud. Nothing like trying to talk over Pat Sajak and "The Wheel of Fortune". And then somehow the conversation turns to religion. And we start talking about priests and their issues in the news. And he's asking me if I think guys become priests because they are gay and don't want to come out to their families. And I'm thinking, "I have no idea, but I don't think so. They can just go move to a big city and live as gay men." And he's telling me he thinks I'm wrong. I'm getting annoyed at this point. The conversation isn't very even. He has opinions (which don't agree with mine) and he's not even listening to mine. He's just spouting off about things I think he doesn't really know about and not giving any credence to the fact that mine might hold water and that he's basically telling me my religion is messed up.

So we get off that topic and go to eat dinner. He directs me to the couch and coffee table in front of the still blaring TV. There is a small bistro table in the corner of his kitchen, but evidently we won't be sitting there. No, we eat on the couch, side-by-side in front of a rerun of "Law and Order - SVU". (Oh I almost forgot we go to sit down and he's like I have to go to the bathroom and in his little 1 bedroom, the bathroom is almost in the living room - so I can hear everything and I don't think he washed his hands.) It's also at that point I realize he is wearing old track pants with a button down shirt. I guess a date with me was not special enough to even throw on a pair of jeans. I just wanted to eat and get out of there...but I had only been there about 45 minutes and I felt really bad dining and dashing. So we finish quickly because we can't really talk to each while sitting side-by-side and watching SVU.

So he's says, "Do you want to watch a movie or TV?" I say "TV". I don't want to be stuck there through an entire movie. So he slips off his shoes (still in the old track pants and button down shirt) and proceeds to lay across two-thirds of the couch. I'm now relegated to sitting on the teeny edge of the couch. He caresses my knee and I just jerk it away. I'm the total frigid ice queen. I'm just not having it. He's looking at me with this crazy grin on his face like he's a used car salesman. So now that SVU is over, we end up watch a combination of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" reunion show, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" (needed to see it anyway) and MSNBC (a channel I never watch - my eyes instantly glaze over). He tells me something about the GOP presidential hopefuls and we end up talking about Mormons. I can tell from the basic questions I'm asking him he knows nothing about the religion. Ugh! One of my biggest pet peeves - don't spout off about something you don't know. Just admit you don't know and ask questions to get information. I recommend he read a book written by Jon Krakauer, a non-Mormon, about Mormonism but he's not even listening. He's just talking about how crazy it is. I'm just trying to figure out if I can leave yet.

So I can see it's getting darker outside. I'm thinking I can use the darkness as an excuse to leave because this is getting crazy. He's laying across the couch like he's a Roman senator. And he keeps scratching his balls or at least touching them. I try not to look...but I don't even know. I'm barely sitting on the couch. I look so uncomfortable. He's totally oblivious.

The Real Housewives is over. I'm like "OK time for me to go." He doesn't put up a fight. He walks me out to my car around the corner. I say "Well here I am. Thanks for dinner." He gives me a hug and feels up my butt. Whatever! I hop in the car and I'm so happy to be off.

It was an Oscar winning performance of the Ice Queen. I wished I had video of the date. I feel like there are details of the date that I've missed. I've given a few details to J. Ross this AM and based on clothing alone, he told me this guy was OUT. And I was so glad we were in agreement.

Second Date with "I" - Opposites Attract?

I'm feeling feisty. I just broke Oprah's rule of eating - no eating after 7 or 8 (or whatever time it is she said). It's just before 9 PM and I scarfed down a homemade flank steak taco with pico de gallo and hand grated Monterey jack cheese. And it was worth it. Also, I've realized that I have eaten tacos for 4 nights in a row. Oh well - they were all homemade (mostly by me).

Well last night was date 3 with "I" and some of you know it started out with anxiety and it got alittle crazy. And I'm dying to tell you all about it, but since I haven't told you about date number 2, I thought I should recap it first.

So as I posted last week, I had some last minute middle of the night anxiety about this date. But thanks to some advice on what to say by J. Ross, my trusty advisor and personal trainer (this guy has juggling a roster of woman down to a science). I texted "I" and got him to change the location of the date from his condo to a restaurant in fun young professional city just over the river from the big city. A fake late meeting was my little white lie...

So we meet at the restaurant. I walk in right after him. I had been to the restaurant once before. Fancier American food but nothing too crazy. So we have dinner and talk about the menu for awhile and what we are having. I had the trout and a glass of wine. It was delicious. I almost inhaled it (it was that good - why I haven't been eating trout before last year I don't know). He had some kind of seafood dish. He kept wanting me to try it. I was like "No, I'm good." Seriously, if I wanted to eat your food, I would have ordered. I'm perfectly happy over here with my trout. After three times of asking, I think he got it. Besides, I don't want to be called fat again by one of my dates for my appetite.

We linger over our remaining drinks/wine and then look at the dessert menu. Neither of us order anything. I was having a fun time. The thing I did notice was we have nothing in common. He lives in the city/works in the city/uses nothing but public transportation. I live in the suburbs/work in the suburbs/practically live in my car in traffic. I listen to pop and country. He's a big hip hop and Latin music fan. He works in politics and I don't (and anyone in DC knows that usually he wouldn't give me the time of day for that reason). People who work on the Hill are like that. We just couldn't come up with anything.

So he pays the bill and says, "OK shall we go?" I was thinking, "What a buzzkill. I was having a good time." I can tell by the time we get out to the sidewalk this is the end of the date. He walks me a block or two down and we go in our separate directions - me to my car and him to the metro.

When I get in the car, I look at the clock. I had only met him an hour and 45 minutes prior. I didn't know what to make of it...but obviously a third date occurred. So tune in tomorrow to find out what happened.

Abandonment Issues

You must think I've abandoned you. And honestly, I have. It's the 20th of June and I've been on 2 dates this month. With the same guy. Not exactly a great back in the saddle record (although better than May).

What have I been doing with all my time? Honestly I don't know. I feel alittle like a zombie today. I can tell you it wasn't laundry or cleaning because I did 4 loads of laundry (finally) and scrubbed the 2 most used toilets in my house yesterday. I know gross!

I have been eating alot (right now I'm having afternoon snack). Running some. Cooking and baking (I'm soon going to be the queen of cupcakes - at least 2 kinds). Started spinning (at 6 AM - maybe that's why I feel like a zombie). Forgetting shirts at home (this AM). Sitting in traffic (hate it - but usually singing at the top of my lungs if you see me). Getting speeding tickets. Drinking half a bottle of SkinnyGirl Margarita (that's what I get for drinking with a 24 year old).

Where was I going? So sorry! I know I said I would post every day and now it's trickled down to every 5 days...

But here's a story from today...something short. Tonight, I'm going over "I"'s house (condo) for dinner. He's insistent. So I forgot my shirt this AM and I realized when I was at the gym (3o - 60 min from my house - depending on traffic). Just an early AM oversight...

So screw this...I workout and just go home after the gym to shower and change. I'm not wearing my sweaty workout out shirt to work and then buying something at the mall. Too much pressure.

So go home, shower, change...get back in the car and drive through the rain back to my office. Halfway to the office, a thought passes through my head. I think you wore this shirt to the 2nd date with "I". AHHHHH!!!! That date was a week ago. So many thoughts have passed through my head. I don't remember if I did or didn't wear the shirt. How can I not remember? I used to be so good at this - at cycling date outfits and remembering who saw what. That's when I knew something had changed...because I said to myself, "Who cares? If I already wore it, I'm sure he won't remember (in reality, it would probably be the one thing he remembers)." But as women, we need to give ourselves false hope.

I tweeted about my now comical prospect of repeating date outfits when I get to work. And then 10 minutes later, I remember the outfit I had worn a week ago. I was safe!!! It was a different outfit.

So I guess I'm 1 for 1 today.

I was a Hot Mess...

Time for a recap for date number 1 with "I". He gets quotes because I don't know want to confuse him with myself.

It happened last Saturday afternoon. Saturday ended up being a totally crazy day. Friday night, I went out to a show at the main rock club in the city. It's in an area that's being re-gentrified. It's been so long that I forgot how late the shows go...we didn't get home until 1:30 AM. Which would have been fine, except I had to be up at 6:00 AM to run 10 miles.

So after 4 hours of sleep, I somehow rally to the run and make it through in the heat. My body is not loving it but I make it. So back home, shower and get ready because I have an hour drive to the coffee shop I am meeting "I" at. We are meeting in an area of the city I've only been in a few times. It's also being re-gentrified I discover. A fancy furniture store and chocolate shop are on the same block as an AIDS clinic and soup kitchen. (Oh and last weekend was the gay pride festival and the neighborhood we are in is the center of gay culture in the city. Kind of surreal atmosphere to have a first date.)

So no time for a nap, I throw on clothes and head out. We're meeting at noon. I'm running late - traffic on a Saturday is moving but it takes longer than I think. He's at a bar next to the coffee shop. At this point, a beer sounds good.

I order a beer and we start talking. Things are going well. I met him through eHarmony but we didn't really do any of the questions or all that. So I really didn't know that much about him. I finish my beer and so does he and we order another. At this point, I'm feeling it. I really haven't eaten anything all day and I've probably sweated out my body mass at least once. I feel like a hot mess. Also, I only had enough change for the meter for an hour so I have to excuse myself and walk up the street for about 4 blocks to feed the meter. As I drunkenly walk down the street, I quickly pull myself together in the heat and think that he probably thinks I'm totally dashing...hilarious. It would be so easy for me to just leave. I must seem like such a nut job.

But I didn't want to end the date so I feed the meter. I hobble back to the bar (my legs are killing me from the run). He definitely called me out that he thought when I didn't come back quickly that he thought I had dashed...but I must just walk slower than he thought. So we start drinking the next beer. All these people around us are eating. I wanted to cry. I was getting hungrier and hungrier and there is all this food around me. And then halfway through my beer, my stomach started to hurt. And not from hunger. So now in my mind I'm starting to think how to I end this date so I can run home. My stomach is hurting worse and worse...I'm totally have an internal conversation with myself. I don't know how I kept up an actual conversation. He must have been doing most of the talking. Luckily I have to pee so I run to the restroom. When I come out, he's finished his beer and is like time to go? I say a silent "Thank you baby Jesus".

Crisis Averted...Safety first.

Last night, I was having the weirdest dream. I dreamt I was skydiving willingly - just swan diving into the great blue sky with this awesome sense of calm. This was after I had been afraid and didn't want to do it prior. Quick - what does this mean? (I used to be into dream analysis when I was in middle school - we'd go to the bookstore in the mall and look stuff up in the dictionaries).

Anyway, as I was swan diving, I suddenly woke up, because I had this flash of reality and dread hit my brain. Earlier in the day, I had committed to doing something that could be very dangerous (according to the reporters of Dateline or 20/20). "I" had asked me to dinner at his condo in the city earlier in the day and I had agreed. And suddenly, it hit me at 2 o'clock in the AM amid a beautiful uplifting dream that I had just done something that could end up very badly. Why would I willingly go to some guy's condo (who I had only met for about 2 hours the day before and whose last name I didn't even know) on a second date? I'm sure nothing would happen but it did suddenly feel very unsafe.

So I lay there for a few minutes and thought about how I would get out of this. I was willing to look like a total nutjob. And then I remembered I'll see my personal trainer in the AM and he'll help me fix it.

So I tell him my issue and he immediately tells me what to text to "I". A late meeting so let's meet in a happening area between his house and my office and offer to pay. I text it around 11 to him...that a late meeting has come up and let's just meet in between. Guess what? It works!! Like a charm! Phew! (This kid is good!)

I don't know why I think it would be unsafe, but just call me extra cautious. It was the one Dateline I caught recently about Match.com violence. I just couldn't take that chance and if something bad happened, live with going against my intuition.

I really use my gut in this whole process; so it was better to look like a crazy person than risk going against it now.

Bridesmaids (and other wedding duties) - been there done that...

So as many of you know I'm in two weddings this year. In fact, the weddings are two weeks apart from each other and I'm a bridesmaid in both. This is the sixth and seventh weddings I've been in.

I know I'll be a third of the way to "21 Dresses" (yes they are all different and I still have all of them.) I also have a fancy, long white dress (from my college's Ring Dance - a deb ball. Another story for another day).

This morning, a friend's sister posted a link on her Facebook page to a Boston Globe article from this morning's paper about being a bridesmaid and this woman hit it on the head of what's it is like to stand up there with one of your friends - it's not all about the dress and the flowers.

So I knew I had just had to share it. So here's the link:

A bridesmaid's lament - The Boston Globe

And a quick about things to come:

• Final post on Memorial Day weekend - dating advice to a divorced Dad
• First Date yesterday with I
• Post on my thoughts on personal branding aka Bethenny and Kelly Cutrone

Ok - that's what's up. Some of these I've been meaning to write for weeks. But now I have to make cupcakes...in preparation of a bridal shower in 2 weeks.

Peace!

Down and Out in DC...

I couldn't say Beverly Hills now...I don't live there. Nor do I want to. Well I suppose if you give me enough money I could live there...

But anyway, I'm kind of bummed out tonight. Yesterday, I was flying high. I did a 6 mile hill workout and felt fine afterwards!

But I crashed back to earth this morning. First I found out something I was thinking about pursuing to the next level is a time drainer/life sucker for some. Second, I read two articles about how people sometimes create a fantasy life for themselves online (especially bloggers and politicians); both slightly bummed me out even though my brain was like you know this. (I have also read a funny blog entry on Rep Weiner's behavior and specific advice to men on those actions using magazine circulation data as proof (PS. not impressive women - more on the creepy side.) And lastly, on my way to a meeting at the airport, I got a SPEEDING TICKET!! My second one ever. At least she didn't give me a reckless. And in the meeting, we talked about Families of the Fallen and our duties in helping them in the airport. I almost burst out in tears right there at the conference room table.

But after all my work making contacts on Monday, I knew I had to get back to my internet dating. And so I did. And I had an email waiting for me for a coffee date for Saturday. And he's kind of cute in the pictures.

So that's what's new with me. I have a training run in the AM so off to bed for me.

Bossy and then gone..

I planned on posting everyday this month since June is National Blog Posting Month. But that hasn't happened. I don't feel busier than prior months but somehow I can't find time to get it all done. It probably didn't help that from Saturday night to Sunday night I slept a total of 12.5 hours (Could I be having another growth spurt - totally slept every free moment when I had a growth spurt in high school).

Anyway, I just finished answering questions, sending emails, and winks (and all that other crap) that involves with convincing a guy to talk to me. I sent out a few rejects as well - sorry...

So I remembered that I had never told you about the first guy who ever asked me out. We'll call him Mr. DC Council. Within a few hours of setting up my profile on eHarmony, I had an email from this guy. He bypassed all the questions and other eHarmony stuff. He sent me an email with the most intense three or four sentences about himself. He loved running and yoga. He had run unsucessfully for the DC city council. He loved living in the city - a few blocks from the law firm and from yoga. And he ended it with "Let's go out sometime".

I emailed back slightly scared - ok mostly scared. Had he even read my profile? Sure - I'll go out with you. Why not get on the horse?

A few hours, I get an email back from him. This guy is fast. He has in the email instructions for me to meet him at a certain restaurant on a certain day at a certain time. My first thought - WOW! How presumptuous?? You just assume that I am available on this day at that time. And I like the type of food at that restaurant. It happened to be Chinese food. Why if I didn't like Chinese food? It was just so odd.

I took my time responding because I was sick. But I got back to him with at least 24 hours before the date. I asked to postpone. I just didn't feel up to it. I didn't want to be snotting all over him. I even gave an alternate day.

But that was the last that I heard from him. I assume he met some other yoga loving chick who had aspirations of being a politician's wife (I don't). And I haven't been asked out on a date like that since then.

Cougars on the Prowl

Over the weekend, I went out with Ms. Amy and Ms. Lynn to a fun day and night in Annapolis. If you have never been there, it's worth the trip. I've been there a million times, but it's a quaint historic seaside city (really town) that is the sailing capital of the US. And home to the US Naval Academy - oh those boys in dress whites - it makes your heart flutter every time (even if I'm getting alittle (alot) too old for them).

So after many activities and eating and encounters, we headed over at dusk to our favorite bar in town which just happens to be on a dock in the middle of the city - yep out there in the open, no guard rails, nothing - pull right up with your boat. You get used to being around water here - most people can fish someone else out (me included - thanks Mom for making me take those lessons at age 8).

So we're standing around and after Lynn meets a creepy guy and we lose him, we suddenly find ourselves talking to these three guys. They just weasel their way into our little conversation. It was smooth. Props to you frat guys! They are fraternity brothers. One looks very young. One is a lawyer and one is a native son. We are having a nice time talking to these guys. And eventually we get asked our ages. And the three of us just smile. We convince them to tell us their ages first. We've got 23, 24, and 26!! Winner winner chicken dinner! We are cougars! So they guess ours. They had good manners - we got 25, 26, maybe 28?? Yeah, finally Amy said, "Yeah, I'm 32." Our attorney friend (actually they all did) recovered from the shock really well. We laughed at him anyway. They got the picture - we were older, but damn we must have looked good.

Really we probably did because we were relaxed and happy (we weren't dressed to kill and were sweaty).

And we just kept talking. But I had to leave eventually to get home for my race the next day so we said our goodbyes. No numbers given by me - it was the atmosphere of a summer flirtation. Just that giddiness of summer in the air and rum drinks in our hands didn't make me want to be serious for the night.

A Facebook Quandry

The long weekend was very eventful and I have a few stories to tell, but I'm going to jump ahead to something that happened on Tuesday. I know you hate when I do this (and I've already been a very bad blogger), but I'm going to do it anyway. Because I'm in charge of this blog and if you don't like it, then say something about!

Even though, I've been on the crazy busy side of things getting ready for my month of showers. My sink is full of dirty dishes; my dirty laundry is piled up outside the washing machine. I know it's not good. I'm trying!! But I have been communicating...

I got a direct email from Mr. Nags Head (no date yet so he doesn't get a letter yet) via eHarmony. It's happened once before - I have yet to tell you that story. So Mr. Nags Head says that he wants to start talking, but he's about to lose his subscription so I need to send him my email address. Whatever...

So emails me. And I don't get back him for a few days. I know. Bad. But I do get back to him. on Monday. And we have exchanged a few emails since then.

But then I notice yesterday something else. Something on my Facebook. A friend invite...from him??? Really... I have to admit. I don't google my dates before I meet up with them. I just don't have time or the patience. But the first thing that popped into my mind about this is what if I'm a psycho. That's being very adventurous of him but what if I was one of those stalker girls that if it didn't work out I went crazy on him??? That's a big risk for a guy from what I hear. Lucky for him, I'm not.

So what do I do? Do I make him my friend? Or not?

Usually, I would just ignore the request (which I did for a few days.) But I decided to try something different. So I befriended him. I know it's a risk, but I can always unfriend him (more discreetly than ignoring him). Besides I hardly ever post updates to my Facebook because my mother is now my friend! Another story for another day. Come snoop around Mr. Nags Head. See the pictures I have posted. I'm not 100% sure what you are going to learn.

So I'll keep you posted on Mr. Nags Head...who knows where this is going?

Back in the Saddle

I finally succumbed to the virus that has been living inside of me for about a week now and took off early from work yesterday and the whole day today. Ah..the sick day - it is a benefit and a burden. If I actually do nothing and rest, I can get back on my feet pretty quickly. If I get antsy and start stumbling around the house, trying to do all the things I never seem to get to, I just end up prolonging the sickness. Today it was very hard to stay on the couch, but I seem to have done it. A lack of internet helped alot and the 5 hours it took me to get back up and running.

So I finally peeked back at Match. Ugh! Luckily, it's been a ghost town. Nobody has been looking for me and I haven't been looking for them. But these last round of dates has made me wary of my instincts and my selections. So many of them sound the same and not like me. If you want to go to Europe, go! Don't wait for me! So I popped on some power girl anthems from Sugarland and started wading through. I sent out a few emails and winks (maybe 1 or 2 each - I know I'm a huge chicken). And I have to spend more money to extend my eHarmony subscription. Awesome!!!

OK. I'm going to suck it up. I'm getting back in the saddle. I'm not giving up. Sorry to have anything more uplifting or convincing...but I'm just trying to figure alot of things out.

Housekeeping Notes:

I found out today that I didn't win the contest to meet The Pioneer Woman. She didn't like my family recipes. I'm bummed.

If anyone has date stories to share from the trenches or thoughts on relationships and want to share, send me an email. I'm always looking for inspiration/ideas/guest bloggers...

And I had one more. But I can't think of it right now. Hmmm....

Oh I remember. I was thinking of an idea/experiment. Does anyone want to take a turn at picking my guys to go after? What if I give one of you my log-ins and you tell me who to go after? Let me know...

Signs of the Rapture

So I now have a pack a day hacking smokers cough to match my Kathleen Turner voice...and in my haze of sleeping late this morning, I realized that the month of May is almost over. And my dating statistics are terrible for this month. I'm so sorry dear readers. I don't know what happened. The month started out so good. And it just got away from me. I promise promise to do better in June.

And I started thinking about the strange things that have been going on in my life in the last 24 hours. Last night, I watched almost an entire episode of The Bachelorette and emailed my friends about it during and after the show. Today I said "fuck". Those who know me know that's the weirdest thing about me - I don't curse EVER! That I'm ruining my weekend going-out plans in the sailboat capital of the world (or maybe the US) by getting up early (5 or 6 AM) on Memorial Day to run in a 4 mile race near my house. I willingly went to a networking event for the firm I used to work for - the firm that sucked the life out of me for at least 2 years and caused me to gain a million pounds (the firm and my slowing metabolism that I ignored, really).

I think these are just all signs of the Rapture. Or that I need more sleep.

Note: Don't worry the pounds have totally be remedied. I'm back to high school fighting weight...and usually healthier (just not right now).

Move over Kathleen Turner

I wish I had an audio recording of my voice right now (in between the coughing that is). I now have a nice husky, sexy voice. At least it's more of a voice than I had Saturday and Sunday. Yes, I lost it on Friday night. And I saw Kelly Cutrone in her all black ensemble in Bethesda then too. That's what I get for going out with a cold.

This weekend was full of social events with friends and resting. My plan had to be to get back on the proverbial "internet dating" horse, but I didn't. Instead, I watched a marriage self-destruct in the movie, "My Blue Valentine" with Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling (of "The Notebook"). If you ever think you want to get married, don't watch this movie. It will make you run - run far away...

So voice be damned, I still made it to Spring Ping and a day/night out at the Wine in the Woods festival and Sugarland concert yesterday.

And let me tell you, in the words of Liz (a girl who went with us), "I felt like Grace Kelly at the concert." There were some really really rough looking women at this concert (and alot of them). There were even some rough looking women at the wine festival. We didn't know where to look next... The poor men of Columbia/Baltimore but then again we didn't really see any cute ones of those either so I guess it works out. It was kind of a downer on my view of the dating scene out there. Hundreds of people and nothing...Probably the after effects of "My Blue Valentine" didn't help - that movie was seriously raw. It also made me wonder what it is like in different cities. What if you lived in a city where the majority of the people were rough...what would you do?

So a networking event tonight and a work dinner tomorrow, that's the problem with summer. You can really fill your schedule with other stuff. But I have to treat this like a job sometimes and force myself to get back up on the horse.

Cheers!

When to raise the white flag

The cold that was getting better yesterday has now gotten worse...so what was going to be a nice and sweet meandering post yesterday has turned into a blunt tell-it-like it is post today.
(Don't worry - different topics. So maybe tomorrow's post will be sweet and meandering.)

I've kind of used a rule of thumb based on talking to guys around me, reading articles, and talking to friends that a guy gets a three day grace period to contact you after a date to show interest. It's not a hard and fast rule, but as the days tick by, women do either one of two things. They either make up excuses for why he hasn't called (ie. what you see in romantic comedies - his dog died, he's been away on business, he had emergency surgery, etc. - you get it). Or they just write him off (no drunk dials, no crying fits, maybe a few choice words (usually the more dates there are). I fall into category 2. For whatever reason (you found a new shiny ball, your sense of time is totally whacked, you don't know the rules of the game), I'm OUT or FIRED (depending on what reality show you watch).

Women aren't as insecure anymore as Hollywood portrays them to be. We all read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" (Caveat: I started to, but never finished. I got it in the first few chapters and then they kept repeating the idea). If you're not paying attention to us, you have got something else on the brain. Ok - we're not that dumb. We know that you aren't going to call us immediately, but by day 3, I should have somehow been repeated in your line of thinking. It seems reasonable that you should at least make contact...or at least that's what we tell ourselves.

So back to reality, H hasn't contacted me since our date. I did text him on day 3 to give him a little nudge. And the conversation fell flat. Like he barely responded. So it's been a week since our date, and I've asked a few guys about this timeline and they all say it's time to raise the white flag and move on. But here's the catch. I talked to my friend a few days ago, who is knows him and she says he's still interested. OK? I recapped everything for her and said well when is he going to ask me out then? But of course, she had no response (I didn't expect her to).

So lessons have been learned...1) if you like a girl, don't wait more than 3 or 4 days to contact her even just to talk to her. And 2) being set-up or asked out by a friend of a friend is not as nerve-wracking as I thought it was going to be. Granted, both times it's happened they barely got of the ground (so maybe I dodged a bullet), but the great friends that I have seem to let the interaction play out on its own and that helps take the pressure off everyone involved.

It's bad enough that I totally put my dating life out there for everyone to read but there is something unnerving about having your friends get feedback from the guys. But the way I look at it, the feedback (good or bad) on me will just get me closer to my goal and better at this crazy thing called dating.