Mixing it up...

So I just cancelled my eHarmony subscription. Woo Hoo! Last minute game change.

Of course, it doesn't turn off right away. I still have a month. So I sent out a bunch of smiles (whatever that is...)

I just waste so much money with it. Instead of using the same old same old profile, I'm cancelling and starting over. New year, new profile. Right?

I promise it's not the tequila I'm drinking. It's not that strong...I swear! I think it's the haircut. I don't get it cut very often.

Excuses, excuses

On Memorial Day weekend, I spent the day with some friends (Ms. Amy and Ms. Lynn) in a local waterside town. I wrote about a few fun incidents that happened while we were there, but I skipped over one story. My impromptu dating advice given at a local restaurant. It was an interesting conversation on many levels.

We were sitting on a bench on a dock waiting for a table at the best crabhouse ever. We were sharing it with three gentlemen in their 40's. We were having a conversation and they were having theirs. And then all the sudden, we were getting an "Excuse me. Can we ask you a question?"

So here are the details. The bald guy sitting next to me is a divorcee who has 2 kids that he gets every other weekend. He and his two friends are with about 8 boys who are down from New Jersey for a lacrosse tournament. The other two are married. They are all walking ads for rich middle-aged dads who live in the NYC suburbs. Got it?

Bald guy asked his buddy and across the street neighbor (tall guy with glasses) to set him up with a woman that also lives across the street. She is the next door neighbor to tall guy and his wife. Tall guy and wife have dinner party. Lady is there and bald guy. They hit it off. He walks her back to her house. And now he's asking us whether he should even ask the lady out.

We're like we don't understand the question. Do you not like her? Does she have a hairy lip? Does she smell? No, he likes her. There is nothing wrong with her. So I'm like "What's the problem? Why the dilemma? Ask her out."

His response, "Well what if I decide I don't want to be with her in a couple of months. What if she's not the one and I break it off and she goes psycho." I responded with a look of disbelief. Are you kidding me? That's a big what-if. I say to him, "What if she decides in date 2 that she doesn't want to date you? Seriously, that is a huge assumption. Has she given you any indication that she is mentally unstable?"

He answers that she doesn't appear to be mental unstable but he just won't shake the idea that she will somehow turn into Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" when and if he decides to break up with her in several months time. We go back and forth. I'm trying to prove to him how his idea could easily not hold water, but he and his friends are not convinced. Finally, for this woman's sanity, I tell him not to ask her out. She shouldn't have to be subjected to a guy who thinks she's too crazy to get into a relationship with before he even goes on a date with her. Thank goodness our beeper goes off and our table is ready. So we think it is the end.

But no, he finds us later at our table to ask again. He doesn't like my advice. Seriously, if you have to think about it this much, don't ask her out. You have already doomed the relationship before it even started. This will not end well.

Do guys really think women are psychotic when it comes to breakups? And so much so, that it's not worth the trouble of trying in the first place. I'm not convinced that was really this guy's problem, but even still, I'm scared. Is this what keeps guys from making moves and asking out women? I know I'm not crazy when it comes to break-ups. I just stop talking to them. The End. (Yes, I have been yelled at but I take it like a big girl.)

Does that make me abnormal? I'm sure there are some women that scream and wail at a breakup, but geez if you have to question asking out a woman on the off chance she is, I think you aren't ready to date or you are doing something wrong (like not communicating your feelings or sending the wrong signals).

Maybe it's a New Jersey thing? Maybe it has to do with how quickly we have sex in a dating relationship. Sex in a relationship can be a very big deal to women. It takes it to the next level. I suspect not so much the same for most men. Maybe I should have questioned bald guy about that...maybe he was having sex too soon. Maybe he was making promises he couldn't keep.

What causes women to snap when the relationship has gone south? And how can we get guys to not be afraid to ask us out because they are afraid we are going to go crazy?

We are all Animals

Today we have a guest blogger helping me out. Really it comes from my last post. Ms. Amy sent me a nice long couple of paragraphs of feedback on my last post. And after reading her insights, I declared that she was getting a guest blog post...

The lightning bolt is a reflection of your animal instinct. People forget we're really animals because we think we're more advanced then them. We stare at African animals mating with amazement, but it's not like humans always shut their dog or their cat out of the room when they decide to get it on. What must that pet be thinking?!

Anyway, you may not always have a bolt when you meet someone, but if they make advances/flirtations towards you and there's no spark there may not ever be. Or you may get it after you get to know them as a person. Really, I think you have to know them on some level to get that spark. I mean, how many Brad Pitts do you know? Exactly.

Anyway, don't give up on the first date or the second. But after 4 or 5, you should know whether you have enough common ground to make it worth your while. Semi-spark or none at all are part of the overall picture of the common ground or lack thereof. You should be more worried about having a spark with a guy that ends up being not a good match for you. That's most people's problems. They keep things going because of a spark and ignore the douchebaginess. Um hello... that will get old in 20 yrs!

Quick background on Ms. Amy: She and I are approximately the same age. While I'm still single, she's been married to her husband for 7 years. She and I have been friends for 9-10 years (dang that's a long time) and she's often my wingwoman/pedicure partner/clothes critic/cocktail companion. She is also not perfect, but she is honest, loyal, and funny. I know she'll always tell me when I'm being crazy. Amen.

Guys love movies...

This weather is so depressing. How can it be beautiful and 87 degrees one day and then drop 20 degrees and be rainy and gray all day the next day?

It's enough to mess with a girl's head. It makes me want to head out of Dodge. It makes me want to go with Amy to a dude ranch/spa (which I thought was a good business idea - until I discovered that they do exist. But not that many....Mwah! Mwah!!!)

Anyway, so I wasn't sure what to write about today. I kind of have 2 ideas, but neither are a good enough for a long post. So you are just going to have to deal with 2 random posts today.

First, I've noticed that guys love movies. They are constantly watching them. This was confirmed at happy hour yesterday. I, on the other hand, never watch movies. Or only watch really old 1980's movies. What are some must-see guy movies? I feel like I need to have a movie marathon to catch up on these things. I'm talking about recent movies that guys like to watch. (You guys better answer me. I'm counting on you!)

Yes, I do try to keep up on things that guys like and keep up on. If you know alittle bit about things that guys like, you can just prompt them and then they'll talk forever. But the two things I'm not up on are movies and baseball (really I don't care about our local teams - they are terrible. I do know about players and stuff).

A Comedy of A Date

You can all yell at me now. I have had 2 days in a row of no posts. I've left you all hanging about my weekend. I'm sorry. Blame my family - they have computer problems (somebody has been going somewhere they shouldn't and it got a virus). So I spent yesterday evening working to clean up their computer and get rid of the virus. It was painful just waiting for stuff to go.

But the good thing was I read most of my brother's Men's Health magazine. Have you read it? It's kind of like Marie Claire for men. I learned alot - like what not to order in certain restaurants and fun sex tips. There was a big article on what women want and look for in a man at different ages (20's, 30's and 40's). The funny thing was I told 3 different guys today that I had read the magazine. And they gave me a look of fear and said "you did? Shouldn't you be reading something else"? Really? There weren't trade secrets in the thing...what are guys so afraid of?

Anyway, last Saturday was date number 3 with A. We had plans to go to dinner and go to a comedy show. I met him at his house and then he drove us from there. His house is nice. I didn't see much but it was nice from what I saw (nothing crazy or unusual, just normal and comfortable looking - phew!) We had a great dinner at a restaurant my co-worker suggested. The conversation was just easy and fun. Then we went to the show. My co-worker and her husband were there so they got to meet A!!! (The verdict on Monday was "he is cute. Very nice and attentive".) So the comedy show starts and the comedian (who I've seen before) is drunk. Great!!! Luckily we weren't called upon or singled out, but due to his drunkness, the set went long and it was a late night. He assured me that he thought was really funny. Poor guy! He had to get up early for work the next day. So we hightailed it back to his house after the show because it was alittle bit of a ride. Good conversation back. We both hopped out of the car when we got back and met behind his truck. In the dark before I knew what was happening, I got my kiss! It was nice. There was a spark. We parted and I was off.

The next morning, while I was just getting up and he had been up for about 4 hours already, I texted him to apologize for keeping him out so late (the date was my idea - I paid for the show). And we had a fun text exchange. And then the next day on the way home from work, I got a phone call and plans were made for date 4 this weekend. (And it was revealed that his birthday is this week - no I'm not spending it with him.)

OK. That was a short recap. Things are going well. I need to do some work that I'll write about later.