Songwriters are my heros

Sunday night, I went wild and drove to the city an hour away to see a show at the local music club. My friend J came with and we had a fabulous dinner with plenty of alcohol ahead of time. And rocked the tunes up loud in the car on the way home in the late night hours.

Love being crazy and staying out late on a school night!

So Matt Nathanson was the headliner and he sang the title track off his current album, Modern Love.

He told us that he wrote this song after talking to a single lady friend about her dating life and after hearing that and really listening to the lyrics (instead of skipping over like usual). It's now my new favorite song. He got it so right...songwriters are my heros.

Check it out...

Homework

Yes, I'm assigning homework. I wanted to assign it over the weekend, but it didn't happen. I haven't even prepped for the homework. So this is going to force us both. (Full disclosure: I have started the homework - I just need to finish it.)

So read this article. It's interesting. And we'll discuss in a day or two.

All the Single Ladies - The Atlantic

Sleeping Beauty Awakens...

Sometimes the days fly by and the weeks go on and before you know it the month is coming to the close when you swear it was just beginning. It's like you are Sleeping Beauty and you have just awaken from a deep sleep.

I am Sleeping Beauty. A number of personal and professional obligations (some expected and others very unexpected) have come up through the last few weeks and it has kept me from my blog and my dating adventure.

But I am happy to announce that I am back. I'm going to work hard and get this back on track. I was inspired and scared when I went to dinner last night with a friend and observed a first date going on next to us. I really wanted to interview them. It wasn't going very well. They were both older. They split the check...Oh!! The trials and tribulations begin again.

I'm Tipsy and Mistakes were made

If this post doesn't make sense, you can blame Nicholas Cage, the Pioneer Woman, coozies, Bud Light, red wine, Super Target, and everything else that is running through my mind and distracting me this evening.

Let me set the scene. It's 10:00 PM at night. I'm laying in a hotel room in middle of nowhere important Virginia. (it's a Hampton Inn - I love them - free WiFi, hot breakfast - what more could a girl want). Tomorrow I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's (and loyal readers') wedding. I just bought bottles of sparkling wine and juice for tomorrow morning. I think the girls that told me to do were tipsy.

So I've come to the realization that sometimes when I drink I get a slight case of oral diarrhea. And I can't spell the word diarrhea. Anyway, I say things I shouldn't sometimes...they just come tumbling out. It gets other people in trouble. I do it to one up the guy. I do it because I'm a ballbuster (sometimes). There I admitted it....sometimes, I am a ballbuster.

And you know what. It's not good. Guys don't like ballbusters. It's uncool. I suddenly turn into the uncool girl. I can control it when I'm sober, but tipsy forget it. I don't know what came over me. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut tomorrow. That's what I'm going to do. I want to be the cool fun girl, not the ballbuster.

Thanks guys. I'm going to bed now before I house the homemade chocolate chip cookies that are sitting on the desk across from me. Another side effect of a few too many adult beverages.

Thanks for listening. I have no great solutions...but the problem has reared its ugly head again.

Life is a Marathon not a Sprint right?

That's what they say, right? Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Why does it feel sometimes that we are all rushing towards the finish line? Me included.

Lately, I've been feeling the pressure that I am not going to reach my goal of a husband and a family. There is nothing that really triggered this or is causing this. Well that's a lie - but it's a combination of things. It's all in my head. All me, baby!

Anyway, that's for me to deal with and you to just know about.

One exciting thing that is going on for me and making me busier than ever is running. I've completed 1 half marathon on September 11th. I was 1 minute off my goal time, but I'm still very pleased. I would have never guessed that I could have run that fast for that long. I have 2 more half marathons to run before Christmas. So I hope to lose that 1 minute.

Also, I spent last weekend in class, taking a training course on coaching long-distance running. Soon, I'll have my certification in that as well. Running and exercise is a real passion of mine, and I have to admit that I do contribute on other blogs on running/fitness/weight loss in my real name... Unfortunately right now, I won't be able to reveal these posts to you...

Blogger's Regret...

I'm imaging that last night's post has stirred alot of questions in my reader's mind. There has been a question or two emailed to me. In fact a few of you have said to be before, you should date Jonathan.

(Side note: I'm totally regretting using his real name as of this morning. Getting that total walk of shame feeling, especially based on what I am about to write. So I'm going back and changing his name. I think I'll call him...Don Juan. Remember that people!)

There are several reasons why I should not date Don Juan. The biggest and main reason is that we are not at the same stage in our lives. He wants to go out every other night to the clubs and meet as many girls in as many cities as possible. And I do not. He thinks that in a few years when a few years past 30 (the age in which he considers his life to be over and in need of a walker and Depends. I'm serious - he's told me this for years) he'll be ready to settle down with a hot modelesque wife and have a few kids.

If I still haven't convinced you, let me share with you his weekend plans. I feel that they will seal the deal. This weekend, he is going to NYC to meet up with an actress (who he previously met at a club in LA) who does not have any nudity clauses in her film contracts. She has a prolific film career in a certain genre of films where story lines are not very important and aliases are used by most actors and actresses. Do you catch my drift? He's going to accompany her as her assistant to an industry event and party it up. He hopes to be come very acquainted with some of her friends.

And this is prime example of why I say we will not be dating. He's like my little brother and truly I enjoy it that way.

Sunny San Diego

It's 1 PM here in sunny San Diego. I've been up since 4 AM EDT - so almost 12 hours. It's beautiful out and it's taking everything I've got not to throw on my bathing suit and run out to the pool. I'm out here in San Diego to attend a social media/blogging conference for WOMEN. I know, I know. What am I thinking? But I just wanted to investigate more about this blogging stuff by taking vacation days from my real job. I don't really fall into the model audience here, but we'll see. I'm going to a happy hour sponsored by the sex toys purveyor, Babeland, and a party at the Hard Rock Hotel for single bloggers so at least there is more that just me. Maybe some of you will be special enough to get some souvenirs! MWAH! HA! HA!

I know I've been lax in my posting so I'm going to be really good and catch you up with a multitude of posts. Isn't that what vacations are for?

An Internet Minefield

I wrote many months ago that I had put profiles of myself on three different websites. Well really, I have 2 profiles on eHarmony due to a set up glitch. This extra profile might come in handy later so I have yet to remove it. So that really made a total of 4 profiles.

My profile on Catholic Match wasn't really giving me great results. I did find A on there but obviously that didn't work out. Since A, it has been no pickings on that site. Lots of guys that live far away from me and are just not what I am looking for. I received notice that my subscription was up at the end of June. I knew it wouldn't automatically renew because my credit card had changed. So I just ignored their renewal notices. And I thought they would just kick me off.

Oh, but no! They don't just kick you off. They just step you down to the free membership (You mean I could be doing this for free?!) Now, I'm just annoyed by their emails. They still send me profiles. In fact, I'm annoyed by all the dating websites' daily emails. Don't even get me started on the commercials!

So I logged on to the website tonight. Of course, there are no clear instructions on how to get off this ride. I try the account settings. Luckily, on the side there's a FAQs with one that says "You want to delete your profile?" Yes! Yes I do! A new window pops up but I don't see a button. No, it's just explanations on how you can keep your profile up there without paying and you'll regret this language. Believe me, I can handle any regret on this. And down at the bottom is a little sentence that says "Do you still want to delete your profile?" I click on it. Finally, a button on this new page to actually delete. I hit it. I'm FREE!

Don't worry, they save my profile and all my activity for 30 days if I want to reactivate them! They get you coming and going. I feel like it must be easier to get a divorce, but of course it is, this is a Catholic dating website.

Chivalry? Do Some Men Never Learn or Do They Just Forget?

I grew up just south of the Mason-Dixon line. My parents are from above the line. Being polite and have good manners was very important in our house. My mother always threatened us growing up with a non-invite to the White House if we had bad table manners. (I finally said to her once at dinner when I was in high school, "Mom, we're never getting invited. The jig is up." We all had a good laugh.)

I went to school in Richmond, Virginia - the capital of the Confederacy. Being a small school, we ran amuck in the town. I learned to like grits, glide down "The Gone with the Wind" staircase in a floor-length white gown, and stay home on Sundays (everything was closed even the grocery store). I also learned to stop opening doors for myself - everywhere. I still remember how strange it was. From day one, my fellow 18 year old male classmates would reach around or rush ahead of you to grab the door as you came up on it. It continued all four years. I quickly came to expect it everywhere. I also came to expect to be helped out of cars and off the elevator first. It's not that I turned into a princess or a snob. It's just how it was. Chivalry and proper manners were alive and well. I gave every guy a smile and a thank you every time.

So flash forward to my bald friend from New Jersey. I said yesterday he and his two buddies were sitting on the same bench that I was sitting on. What I failed to mention was that there wasn't enough room for all of them and all of my party to sit on the bench. In fact, when I sat down on the empty part of the bench, Mr. Tall Guy with Glasses said to me, "Someone is sitting here" while he put his hands all over the empty spot between us. I didn't move - the space was big enough for a reasonable sized ass. He looked at me with this funny look like I can't believe you didn't move. (I wanted to stick my tongue out at him - I had maybe drunk a few Coors Lights at this point). My friend Ms. Lynn sat beside me and poor Ms. Amy had to stand. I'm thinking what a elementary school girl move, "Someone is sitting here." I hope that someone is at least a woman. (Even still is the rule is you give up your seat to a woman. And I as an able-bodied woman, give up my seat to the pregnant, infirmed, or elderly) But no, it wasn't. Bald guy came and plopped his butt down in the empty spot. We ladies were appalled...

We totally talked about after we left them. Who taught them manners? Or maybe they forgot? Or maybe it's a New Jersey thing?

I asked J. Ross about this and he told me that some guys just don't know. It's a tricky subject. Some woman want to be independent and seem strong. But he would always give up his seat for a woman (he's also the son of a preacher from Tennessee). And to save a seat for another man is totally weird all in itself. But his rule is if you expect chivalry, then you need to say it. And that seems to be the rule with dating; if you expect something, you need to communicate it.

And in the meantime, I'm totally going to point out bad manners. Yes, I will threaten people with non-invites to the White House. I'm totally turning into my mother!

Crisis Averted...Safety first.

Last night, I was having the weirdest dream. I dreamt I was skydiving willingly - just swan diving into the great blue sky with this awesome sense of calm. This was after I had been afraid and didn't want to do it prior. Quick - what does this mean? (I used to be into dream analysis when I was in middle school - we'd go to the bookstore in the mall and look stuff up in the dictionaries).

Anyway, as I was swan diving, I suddenly woke up, because I had this flash of reality and dread hit my brain. Earlier in the day, I had committed to doing something that could be very dangerous (according to the reporters of Dateline or 20/20). "I" had asked me to dinner at his condo in the city earlier in the day and I had agreed. And suddenly, it hit me at 2 o'clock in the AM amid a beautiful uplifting dream that I had just done something that could end up very badly. Why would I willingly go to some guy's condo (who I had only met for about 2 hours the day before and whose last name I didn't even know) on a second date? I'm sure nothing would happen but it did suddenly feel very unsafe.

So I lay there for a few minutes and thought about how I would get out of this. I was willing to look like a total nutjob. And then I remembered I'll see my personal trainer in the AM and he'll help me fix it.

So I tell him my issue and he immediately tells me what to text to "I". A late meeting so let's meet in a happening area between his house and my office and offer to pay. I text it around 11 to him...that a late meeting has come up and let's just meet in between. Guess what? It works!! Like a charm! Phew! (This kid is good!)

I don't know why I think it would be unsafe, but just call me extra cautious. It was the one Dateline I caught recently about Match.com violence. I just couldn't take that chance and if something bad happened, live with going against my intuition.

I really use my gut in this whole process; so it was better to look like a crazy person than risk going against it now.

Signs of the Rapture

So I now have a pack a day hacking smokers cough to match my Kathleen Turner voice...and in my haze of sleeping late this morning, I realized that the month of May is almost over. And my dating statistics are terrible for this month. I'm so sorry dear readers. I don't know what happened. The month started out so good. And it just got away from me. I promise promise to do better in June.

And I started thinking about the strange things that have been going on in my life in the last 24 hours. Last night, I watched almost an entire episode of The Bachelorette and emailed my friends about it during and after the show. Today I said "fuck". Those who know me know that's the weirdest thing about me - I don't curse EVER! That I'm ruining my weekend going-out plans in the sailboat capital of the world (or maybe the US) by getting up early (5 or 6 AM) on Memorial Day to run in a 4 mile race near my house. I willingly went to a networking event for the firm I used to work for - the firm that sucked the life out of me for at least 2 years and caused me to gain a million pounds (the firm and my slowing metabolism that I ignored, really).

I think these are just all signs of the Rapture. Or that I need more sleep.

Note: Don't worry the pounds have totally be remedied. I'm back to high school fighting weight...and usually healthier (just not right now).

Move over Kathleen Turner

I wish I had an audio recording of my voice right now (in between the coughing that is). I now have a nice husky, sexy voice. At least it's more of a voice than I had Saturday and Sunday. Yes, I lost it on Friday night. And I saw Kelly Cutrone in her all black ensemble in Bethesda then too. That's what I get for going out with a cold.

This weekend was full of social events with friends and resting. My plan had to be to get back on the proverbial "internet dating" horse, but I didn't. Instead, I watched a marriage self-destruct in the movie, "My Blue Valentine" with Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling (of "The Notebook"). If you ever think you want to get married, don't watch this movie. It will make you run - run far away...

So voice be damned, I still made it to Spring Ping and a day/night out at the Wine in the Woods festival and Sugarland concert yesterday.

And let me tell you, in the words of Liz (a girl who went with us), "I felt like Grace Kelly at the concert." There were some really really rough looking women at this concert (and alot of them). There were even some rough looking women at the wine festival. We didn't know where to look next... The poor men of Columbia/Baltimore but then again we didn't really see any cute ones of those either so I guess it works out. It was kind of a downer on my view of the dating scene out there. Hundreds of people and nothing...Probably the after effects of "My Blue Valentine" didn't help - that movie was seriously raw. It also made me wonder what it is like in different cities. What if you lived in a city where the majority of the people were rough...what would you do?

So a networking event tonight and a work dinner tomorrow, that's the problem with summer. You can really fill your schedule with other stuff. But I have to treat this like a job sometimes and force myself to get back up on the horse.

Cheers!

A Twist and Turn

My mind has been churning for the less than 24 hours. Last night, my little journey took a twist and a turn. I don't know how temporary or permanent this twist is, but it's a journey so we'll see.

So here's what happened. I was out celebrating a friend's birthday. Throughout the years, she's introduced me to many of her friends that I know most of them by name and a little bit about them. Some more than others. I still remember the night she introduced me to the guy that will be come her husband in September.

Anyway, we were celebrating - a few beers among her friends in a bar. I ended up staying out late for me on a work night (way past my 10 PM bed time). So I had talked to a few people I knew but as I went around the table, I left my purse on the original chair.

So back I went to collect my purse and a friend of hers was sitting in the chair. No biggie. I knew him - nice guy. He started asking me about my blog. I was like yeah - you should definitely read it. I'll email you the website. So I emailed it to him. And then he's like we should go out. And I should caveat here - that he's a jokester and sarcastic. So I thought he was joking. But he wasn't. He was serious I realized in a few minutes. I agreed to the date and we picked a day. And it really started to sink in that he had just asked me out and he was serious. I think I was in disbelief - he really is always joking and saying something smart.

So on the way home, I realized. Oh crap - he had access to my blog!! How can I write about him in the blog?!? And people who know him already read the blog!! It's like having an theater critic at the performance.

But I realized he already knew about the blog and if he was going to ask me about it and still ask me out, then it was fair game to write about him and our dates. He can choose to read the posts or not. Having never been in the situation of putting my dates in print and having the date and his friends read them, I don't know if this is a good thing or not. So I'm going to have to feel this one out as I go along. So if I'm vague or go out of order, please play along. I promise I'll tell you as much as I can.

Oh and FYI, I did tell him on the date that I was going to write about him. And actually he told me he had forgotten that I had even sent him the web address to the blog (doh - why did I have to ask?). So who knows what he's read or what he hasn't, but he said it was fine to write about him. All is fair in love and war.

Note: Thank you to the others of you who have sent me emails on the last series of posts on lightning bolts and animals (ok, chemistry). Your insights are amazing. I read and ponder all your thoughts. It has helped me validate and question what I've been doing. Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow!

We are all Animals

Today we have a guest blogger helping me out. Really it comes from my last post. Ms. Amy sent me a nice long couple of paragraphs of feedback on my last post. And after reading her insights, I declared that she was getting a guest blog post...

The lightning bolt is a reflection of your animal instinct. People forget we're really animals because we think we're more advanced then them. We stare at African animals mating with amazement, but it's not like humans always shut their dog or their cat out of the room when they decide to get it on. What must that pet be thinking?!

Anyway, you may not always have a bolt when you meet someone, but if they make advances/flirtations towards you and there's no spark there may not ever be. Or you may get it after you get to know them as a person. Really, I think you have to know them on some level to get that spark. I mean, how many Brad Pitts do you know? Exactly.

Anyway, don't give up on the first date or the second. But after 4 or 5, you should know whether you have enough common ground to make it worth your while. Semi-spark or none at all are part of the overall picture of the common ground or lack thereof. You should be more worried about having a spark with a guy that ends up being not a good match for you. That's most people's problems. They keep things going because of a spark and ignore the douchebaginess. Um hello... that will get old in 20 yrs!

Quick background on Ms. Amy: She and I are approximately the same age. While I'm still single, she's been married to her husband for 7 years. She and I have been friends for 9-10 years (dang that's a long time) and she's often my wingwoman/pedicure partner/clothes critic/cocktail companion. She is also not perfect, but she is honest, loyal, and funny. I know she'll always tell me when I'm being crazy. Amen.

Posting Delay was not my fault - Or the Real Title of this Post: That Lightning Bolt?

I had this post all outlined out in my head yesterday but when I logged in last night to write it up, Blogger (the platform I use) was down!!! Ahhh!! So I tweeted about Blogger being down (cop out), but abandoned the post for the night because I had to get up before the crack of dawn this morning to get things done before work.

It's a non-date posting today, but something I have been very curious about. So I really hope that you guys give me feedback on this.

I'm curious about the lightning bolt, or as people often write, "When I saw him/her, I just knew". Love at first sight?? But is it really?

Who out there has experienced it?

Twice I've met guys and on the first touch (just a handshake), it was like a bolt of electricity ran right through my body. I swear I jumped off the ground for a second. It definitely wasn't static electricity. And I definitely was in a state of startle and shock. Was it lust? Was our hormones reacting to each other? Or was it something else?

I ended up not making out with either one of them (it was a room full of people both times) and it fact nothing (other than some very heavy flirting) ever became of them for various reasons. But is this what I should be looking for? Is this my sign? (This post feels like it's taking the turn of a Judy Blume novel.)

Should I have pursued these? Too late now - a long time ago.

Or does your awareness of "the one" grow over time? If so, how much time do you give? I've gotten some advice from people - definitely need some sort of physical relationship with a person to know, but what if you aren't not even sure if you want another date? How many dates should you give a guy before you give up?

These are ideas I struggle with. I wonder if I give up so easily on a guy because it is so easy to just say "Next". My star sign says that Libras are escapists and indecisive (great!! good girlfriend material). But at the same time, you can't just stay with a guy because it's easy and convenient.

So those of you out there with "the one", how did it work for you? Give this girl some ideas on how you know!!!

My sinking heart

I was planning on writing today about my first date with G because I know it's been highly anticipated, but I'm feeling a bit sad right now and I just had to share that...

You know us women...we get sad for reasons even we don't understand. But the floodgates of tears are on the verge of bursting and here's what caused a few tears at lunch time today...

I was reading The Washington Post and they have a feature in their Sunday magazine called "Date Lab". They match up two applicants and send them on a date. Obviously then, the date needs to be reported back on by the two people. Usually it doesn't work out for various reasons but it's interesting to read.

This week's is a man and a woman; they are both over the age of 50 and both have never been married. Neither of them seemed abnormal except for the fact that they had never been married. And I was suddenly so sad. What if that's me in 20ish years from now? Just never met the right guy...? It didn't sound like for them it was a no-go for a lack of trying. Obviously, you don't get the full picture/background on a one page article. But it caused my heart to sink...

Ugh! Are you utterly depressed yet? Maybe not. Maybe I'm just tired. At least it's Friday but I have a 2nd date with F on Saturday night. So I better pull it together before then.