The best intentions

I had every intent of posting last night, but I had nothing written and when I finally got home, it was time to go to bed. (Sometimes more important things come up like tasting red velvet cupcake samples for Jenn's bridal shower.)

But I wanted to let you know that A is out. I last talked to him via text last Tuesday. He was in class all night so I told him to call me when he had a chance. No phone call has materialized in over a week. So his phone number is being deleted (just watch he'll call me - he did it 2 weeks ago.)

And I guess I'm off the hook for properly breaking it off. He went the route of no communication - that's cool. But I don't need to rehash now.

Onward and upward!

Mid-week update

I owe you a quick update on my relationships...

So I texted A Tuesday to see if he was around to talk. He had been away all weekend and I said no to the Sunday date (moving did go later and was more exhausting that expected). He was in class that night until late and so I told him to call me when he had time to talk. I don't know what his work schedule is. So no phone call yet.

I've been talking to another guy (not even worthy of a letter yet - no date yet). We've been exchanging emails, etc. And he wanted to talk via telephone (slight kiss of death - but I was open-minded). And I emailed him my phone number Tuesday and said "Yes, call me Wednesday". (He only gave me a Monday - Wednesday window. Maybe he doesn't have phone service the rest of the week - just kidding). But no call Wednesday night. So try try again.

And the guy who I gave my number to ("Mr. Business Card"). No email or call from Mr. Business Card. Honestly, I knew I had a 50/50 shot with him. He seemed into me, but who knows what's going on with him.

So there is the update. It's been alot of fall-starts and missed emails (but other parts of my life are busy too). Hopefully, it starts to pick up my readers - so I have something exciting to talk to you about. Or at least funny.

Decisions and Copping Out

So the next morning after the date with A, I was thinking. Ok, I'll give him one more date so that I can get some questions answered and some things out on the table. That way we can really figure out if this is going to work. But it's got to be a quiet casual at home or just dinner kind of date.

And then he didn't call or text on Monday. And then he didn't call or text on Tuesday. And I didn't call either day. So I'm thinking by Wednesday early evening that he must have felt the same way about the date as I did. It was weird. We are not that great together.

So I go to see my therapist. We talk about what's been going on for the last 2 weeks. And most specifically about A and this date. And she points out that I need to work on my communication skills and things I could have done better (next time!). She really wants me to call him and get some/give some closure to him. She says I need to use all my courage. I say ok and I'm off.

Well, his ears must have been ringing because no sooner than 5 minutes after leaving the appointment that my phone rings and it's A. I don't pick up because I'm driving and need to fish out my headphones. And for a second, I debate not calling him back. But I have to call him anyway - I might as well make it now while driving home. So I call back. And he acts like nothing is wrong!!! Like our conversation wasn't so weird! Like he doesn't even care that he hasn't even made it to first base!!! This guy has to be a robot!!!

He doesn't even seem concerned that I didn't try to communicate with him in the last 2 days. So after some idle chitchat, he asks me out for Sunday. I just couldn't do it and I had an excuse. My sister and brother-in-law are moving on Sunday and I've now volunteered myself to help!!! (I was going to volunteer anyway, but honestly if I really wanted to, I could have made it work. I'm just a chicken! I admit it!)

So no date is in the works. We'll just see the following week. I need a few more days to psyche myself up. Why is it that it goes perfectly in your head but not so much in real life?

Confusion and chaos reign...

Oh how I've missed posting. Yesterday and Monday were killer days at the office. Long hours and constant whining by the men that surround me. Can you do this? Help me? I don't know how. Their whining and puppy dog looks no longer work on me. I've seen their true colors (love of alcohol, gambling and women) so your sad faces don't make me feel sorry for you.

Only some Cole Haan sandals that I really wanted last summer and suckered myself into buying at $100 and some off made me feel slightly better (and ice cream).

But it has also changed the subject of today's post. I was really struggling with my original idea so I need more time. But I need to update you on my latest date with A. It was very interesting.

So as I blogged about we were going to dinner with his sister and her husband. Now he had described her to me before as kind of ditzy and a former friend of Mary Jane. And he's not super tall and ok build - so I'm expecting some earthy-ish, alittle chubby ditzy bag. What do I see instead when I meet her - a 6 foot something, size 00, dressed casually chic (in pricy jeans - $225 she tells me later) glamazon!!! She could have easily been walking the streets of downtown Manhattan.

Oh - I was so off my game. So confused. She was really nice, but wow not at all what I expected. They don't even resemble each other. We had a beer at her house and it was potent. Why do they make these crafty beers with varying degrees of alcohol? I was lit when we left the house. Luckily I sat in the back, but the roads we took were hilly and windy. Don't worry I made it. The meal was good. A and I didn't really talk that much to each other during dinner. Towards the end, I got up and went to the ladies room (since I had had a beer, tons of water and a couple of glasses of wine). I was feeling much more sober, thanks to the water and food. At first I was like, do I leave and let them talk about me? But my head said that my bladder wasn't going to make it all the way back to her house. So I left the table. Let them talk about me. It was going to happen anyway.

So back to sister's house, say goodbye and then we had about another hour drive back to my house. It was dark at this point, but not really late. He did pick me up before 5. So halfway though the drive, he says to me, "It's so nice to meet someone who shares the same views on God as I do." (or something like that) Thank goodness it was dark because I definitely have laughed/smirked. I'm thinking yeah right - like we have the same views (did you look at my profile - no sex boy?) Plus you don't know this but I support gay marriage so does my mother. So I just ignore him and he goes into this thought about how all the western or ancient religions all stem from Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. I'm thinking where are you going with this? And instead of asking questions so that I better understand (as my therapist said I should), I kind of went off the assumption that he was implying that these were like the true religions or something like that - so I brought up Buddhism and Hinduism...very major world religions.

(I should sidebar here for a second. Two things you should know about me. 1. I really believe in respecting other people's religious beliefs and even if you don't agree with them (as long as they aren't hurtful), you should respect them (and they should respect mine). 2. Not everyone in my family is Catholic. My grandmother was a life-long Methodist and her side of the family is either Methodist or Presbyterian. We went to bible camp at a Methodist church as kids and say Protestant grace at home. I don't understand all the Protestant denominations - but I'm quite familiar with a few.)

So we are in the midst of this very strange conversation about religion and what I feel like he is telling me are the best ones, when my phone rings - saved by the bell!!! It was a friend who never calls me - so I answered. I was never so happy. I made the conversation quick and then explained to A what it was about. And from there we moved on to other topics of conversation. Soon I was home. Earlier in the day, I thought well if we get home at a decent hour, I'll invite him up into my house. Well! He evidently had other plans because he didn't even pull the car in the driveway. It was left running out in the street. He did hop out when I did and we talked for a few minutes in the driveway. It all ended with just a hug and a peck (no sparks this time).

So now I'm confused. What is going on here?

Quick side note: I went in for the hug when he knocked on my door to pick me up and I realized halfway there - no arms outstretched at me. What you don't even want a hug? So I jumped back. Adding to the confusion of the date.

In love with love

When I started this whole thing over 2 weeks ago, a thought crossed my mind. Am I just failing in love with the idea of being in love? At the time, I told myself maybe, but I'm going to plow ahead anyway. But the more I think about it, I think it's true. You can fall in love with being in love.

I've seen it myself with women I know. I've seen women stay in relationships that they know won't work because they just want to be in love and have that comfort of being in a relationship. I've felt it too. How comfortable it is to have someone to just make plans with one person and have them there and do couple activities. To have him there to cuddle with on the sofa or take you out to dinner on Friday night. Or just flirt with on the phone.

But in your gut, you know this not the guy I dream about at night. This is the guy that's there - Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right. Now no guy is perfect (no girl is perfect either) so how do you know if you are in love with the person sitting across from you or the idea of just having a person sitting across from you?

I'm not sure. I'm struggling with this right now. It almost feels like the first guy I seriously date is like a rebound guy. It's just timing - he's there at the right time, but it's not going to end up being anything real. And maybe there is more to it - maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there, or are there and I just don't want to give up (or know how to). My emotions are swirling right now about A.

Am I in love with the feeling of a relationship or is this really what's it is really like? (Or am I being a shallow witch?)

Don't You Always Go for a Test Drive Before you Buy the Car????

Today's planned post was to finally talk about what it is that I'm looking for in a guy - my bullet- point list as to what I like and dislike, my must-haves, etc.

I'll still get to that very soon but in the meantime, things happen. Discussions are had and now that's all I can think about. But at least it's all related.

Yesterday, I went to a party for my friends' new 5 week old baby at Jenn and Greg's house. A good time, a few beers, some old toy cars, and NCAA basketball was had by all. Oh and we all held the new baby, who is so cute and precious. In between basketball games, some of us started talking about my blog and A. And I ended up pulling up A's profile that's on the Internet dating site. And I took another look at it. And I saw some things that gave me some pause.

So being a Catholic dating website, they ask you to post how you feel about pre-martial sex and birth control. I was honest - I said that I was for both (even though it's against the church - Again, I didn't say I was perfect. Hey I played a sassy Mary Magdalene in our high school religion class) Well, now I'm noticing that he's marked that he doesn't believe in pre-martial sex and in birth control (I don't understand how guys can support the birth control stance - it's not really a benefit to them - but anywho?) I'm starting to think after I read that. Things are starting to make alittle more sense? I'm starting to wonder is this a deal breaker? When do I bring this up? Is this what he really thinks or is he just putting this out there?

I think I've already gotten some clues. And I don't know if I agree where this is heading. Sex is important in a serious relationship. A girl needs to fully test drive the car before she considers a purchase. Could you imagine if you married someone without ever having sex and then your sex life was incompatible? I know people used to do it this way all the way into the 1970's, but times have changed radically. Sex is all we talk about half the time. They advertise birth control on TV.

Has anyone ended it with someone over bad sex? Or no sex?

And don't even get me started on the no birth control. As you know I watch Teen Mom, we know how no birth control ends up.

So I'm going to keep thinking about this. I have to go to figure out what I'm going to wear for this date tonight....

Being Introduced

It's Saturday morning. Teen Mom is on. Love that show. What these girls are thinking? I don't know, but life gets alot harder later on even if you don't have a kid. But I can't stop watching (and sometimes yelling at the TV).

So today I want to talk about introducing someone to your friends and family. Is there a magical or typical time? Do people just do it when it feels right? Is it really that big of a deal? (OK - it is still a big deal to meet parents - at least in my book).

I can still tell you the exact words my father used in high school when he wanted to meet the guys I dated in high school. It was in the form of a question, but it was a demand. "So when am I going to meet this boy?" equalled you better put this boy in front of me before he takes you out again. When those words were spoken, I just physically cringed. But I obeyed.

I've been thinking about this because it seems that tomorrow I'm meeting A's sister and her husband. We are going to go to dinner with them tomorrow. When he first texted me about it, I didn't think anything of it. We've talked about her before. He's very close to both his brother and sister. But now that I've had 24 hours to digest, I'm getting alittle nervous. This is only date number 4. I've just been introduced to his dog. He hasn't been inside my house. This seems like a big step. What does it mean? What's our status? I don't even know what to wear? I wasn't even considering introducing him to my siblings. He did get introduced to one of my co-workers last date - but it was just an introduction.

As usual, I'm just going to have wing it. As with this whole thing....

A Comedy of A Date

You can all yell at me now. I have had 2 days in a row of no posts. I've left you all hanging about my weekend. I'm sorry. Blame my family - they have computer problems (somebody has been going somewhere they shouldn't and it got a virus). So I spent yesterday evening working to clean up their computer and get rid of the virus. It was painful just waiting for stuff to go.

But the good thing was I read most of my brother's Men's Health magazine. Have you read it? It's kind of like Marie Claire for men. I learned alot - like what not to order in certain restaurants and fun sex tips. There was a big article on what women want and look for in a man at different ages (20's, 30's and 40's). The funny thing was I told 3 different guys today that I had read the magazine. And they gave me a look of fear and said "you did? Shouldn't you be reading something else"? Really? There weren't trade secrets in the thing...what are guys so afraid of?

Anyway, last Saturday was date number 3 with A. We had plans to go to dinner and go to a comedy show. I met him at his house and then he drove us from there. His house is nice. I didn't see much but it was nice from what I saw (nothing crazy or unusual, just normal and comfortable looking - phew!) We had a great dinner at a restaurant my co-worker suggested. The conversation was just easy and fun. Then we went to the show. My co-worker and her husband were there so they got to meet A!!! (The verdict on Monday was "he is cute. Very nice and attentive".) So the comedy show starts and the comedian (who I've seen before) is drunk. Great!!! Luckily we weren't called upon or singled out, but due to his drunkness, the set went long and it was a late night. He assured me that he thought was really funny. Poor guy! He had to get up early for work the next day. So we hightailed it back to his house after the show because it was alittle bit of a ride. Good conversation back. We both hopped out of the car when we got back and met behind his truck. In the dark before I knew what was happening, I got my kiss! It was nice. There was a spark. We parted and I was off.

The next morning, while I was just getting up and he had been up for about 4 hours already, I texted him to apologize for keeping him out so late (the date was my idea - I paid for the show). And we had a fun text exchange. And then the next day on the way home from work, I got a phone call and plans were made for date 4 this weekend. (And it was revealed that his birthday is this week - no I'm not spending it with him.)

OK. That was a short recap. Things are going well. I need to do some work that I'll write about later.

Sunday night date?

So as I left you in the soap opera that was my weekend, I headed down to Richmond (the new hot bed of college basketball - Go Spiders!). A fabulous engagement party (where I answered a few questions about the blog - it was good to get the feedback and thoughts). And Sunday morning I was back on the road again home in order to get myself together for date #2 with A.

I have to say I was nervous. First dates for me are easy. There's really no pressure. You barely know this guy. So you dress casual but cute, go to a bar, you have a drink (or 2), talk for awhile and you pretty much know if you'd like to have another within an hour or so. I have gone of lots of first dates (and lots of them ended with radio silence), but this was a 2nd date. And it was on a Sunday. I'm still not sure if I've ever gone on a Sunday night date. What do I wear? What will we talk about? The afternoon before the date, my head felt like it was going a mile a minute. So what do I do to prepare - one of my favorite activities, nap. It calms me. And I knew I might be more charming with one.

So I actually figured out my outfit pretty quickly and got ready. And pretty much on the dot, he picked me up (yes I was nervously busying myself in my living room/kitchen).

The restaurant couldn't seat us right away so we sat at the bar and had a drink. We eased right back into conversation. The meal went great. Our poor waitress was getting the full extent of both of our sarcasm and she didn't even realize it. We headed back to the bar after a long dinner. This time we talked mostly about his job and family. He has alot of great stories from his job. I was charming (the nap worked). After a few hours, we realized we were pretty much the last people in the restaurant and headed out. He had to work early in the AM and I had the gym. So back to my house, a quick chat/goodbye in the driveway and I bounded back up the stairs into my house.

The only thing about the date was I really wanted him to kiss me at the end. And he didn't. I got another hug and kiss on the cheek. I tried to give all the right signals, but I didn't have enough huevos to make it happen myself. So I was a bit worried that night that he wasn't feeling it as much as I was (and I became more worried when he stopped texting me mid-conversation the next day). But we talked last night on the phone and date number 3 is in the works for the weekend.

So I guess I better make my kiss happen this weekend. Sometimes a girl just has to do what a girl has to do.

First Date of Dates

Note: I started this post many times in my head over the last week. I even started writing it yesterday afternoon. But after talking to some people about my blog, I'm not sure about how to write these posts. So this is going to be my first attempt. I'm sure it'll be not enough details, but I'll probably end up revising it along the way. I just really want to protect the guys. It's only fair to them.

So I met A on Catholic Match. We had a really great email rapport. It was so easy to email him little messages, but after a few he asked me to meet him on a Friday night at a local bar/restaurant for drinks. Cool.

A is 32 years old. He lives about 45 minutes away from me, but he works closer by. He doesn't work in an office. He works 24 hours and then has 48 hours off. He’s also in school getting a another degree. He’s cute. Cute and athletic.

So I get to the bar at the appointed time. I’m wearing (I know you all want to know) sort of skinny jeans (they are a size too big – I have smaller ones now), a flowy tank top, my brown military style jacket, and brown peep toe pumps. It’s packed -wall to wall people. Shoot! Of course, I didn’t look at his picture before I walked out of work (I did have his number), so I had to go off memory. But he found me.

We got beers and started talking. It was a really good light-hearted conversation. I was charming – as Amy says I can talk to guys about anything. It comes from being the one of only a few girls in an office full of guys. I have to know about MMA/UFC, living off the grid, football, basketball, strippers, alcohol, poker, etc. Then I would have nothing to talk about with my co-workers all day long. Don’t worry – we didn’t talk about any of those things! But it was an easy conversation.

The funny thing as soon as one topic ended, he would ask me a question about myself (something I posted on my profile). I couldn't get many questions in edgewise - but it was ok. The only hiccup was I must have put that I like cooking in my profile. When he asked me about it, I had had about 15 oz of beer. I was feeling it (on the way to be cooked). Thank goodness at that point I had already said to him, let's get some food and we were sitting at a table and I was able to get some water. So when he said to asked me about cooking, I just said "I said that?" He started to laugh (I must have had a great expression on my face). I started to laugh and I started to backpeddle. "Well I guess I do like to cook, but I really don't cook right now." In fact, I couldn't even remember the last thing I had cooked. So I said "Ummm, I guess I'm going to have to change that. I mean I will cook. I can cook. I just haven't been cooking". Way to backpeddle, D. Time to stop drinking.

So we left after about 4 hours, a few beers and dinner (I had a burger - yes, I did it. No salad for this girl. He might as well know I'm not afraid.) He had work the next day and I had a 7:30 AM run.

He walked me to my car. Where we had another funny moment. So I had another blouse hanging in the car. I needed options and I was meeting him straight from work. So he caught me. He asks me what is this blouse is for - and I just start to laugh. "You caught me. I needed options. So I guess I won't be wearing this blouse for awhile.". A hug and a kiss on the cheek and I was off.

A few other random thoughts about A:

• He told me I looked better than my pictures I posted on my profile. Smile!
• He makes me laugh. We've talked and texted every couple of days since our date (he did ask me for a 2nd date that Sunday night.)
• The conversation is easy.
• He wants to travel to Europe. I'm over that part of my life and those adventures. I'd rather spend the thousands on dollars on something else.
• I'm questioning my chemistry meter. Did we have chemistry? How will I know?